He just wants attention.
Every time a co-worker disregards a student’s behavior because they “just want attention,” I want to scream OF COURSE THEY DO!!! Everybody wants attention. Teenagers are no different from us. Stop acting like they are some alternative breed of mammal living under a different set of rules.
As good as that outburst felt, a correction is in order. People don’t want attention. People need attention.
Needing attention is human nature. You are born with it. Hey Mom, look at me! Hey Dad, watch this!
It is how we learn that people appreciate us and our unique talents. It is how we learn to appreciate ourselves and our unique talents. In a perfect world, others fill your attention tank & throughout your life you are able to top it off yourself.
Paying attention to your child is a fundamental component of positive reinforcement and unconditional love. These are the building blocks of a healthy life. Carbon. Oxygen. Positive reinforcement. Unconditional love.
When a child doesn’t get enough attention, 1 of 2 things typically happen: they turn inward and hurt themselves because they have learned that no one cares, or they get angry and turn outward, forcing you to pay attention to them, often at the sacrifice of an innocent target.
It is a big red flag when students say they don’t care if they get good or bad attention, because bad attention is better than no attention. They tried getting good attention, and it wasn’t working. Now they are going to do whatever it takes to get the attention they need.
And guess what? This desire will never be solved through punitive measures. There are not enough suspension days in the calendar year to cure a student of their need for attention.
Needing attention is normal and healthy, not a crime or a behavior to be corrected.
The next time you think your student/client/offspring just “wants attention,” don’t question why they want it. Ask why you don’t want to give it to them. Then ask what else you think they’re willing to do to get it.
As good as that outburst felt, a correction is in order. People don’t want attention. People need attention.
Needing attention is human nature. You are born with it. Hey Mom, look at me! Hey Dad, watch this!
It is how we learn that people appreciate us and our unique talents. It is how we learn to appreciate ourselves and our unique talents. In a perfect world, others fill your attention tank & throughout your life you are able to top it off yourself.
Paying attention to your child is a fundamental component of positive reinforcement and unconditional love. These are the building blocks of a healthy life. Carbon. Oxygen. Positive reinforcement. Unconditional love.
When a child doesn’t get enough attention, 1 of 2 things typically happen: they turn inward and hurt themselves because they have learned that no one cares, or they get angry and turn outward, forcing you to pay attention to them, often at the sacrifice of an innocent target.
It is a big red flag when students say they don’t care if they get good or bad attention, because bad attention is better than no attention. They tried getting good attention, and it wasn’t working. Now they are going to do whatever it takes to get the attention they need.
And guess what? This desire will never be solved through punitive measures. There are not enough suspension days in the calendar year to cure a student of their need for attention.
Needing attention is normal and healthy, not a crime or a behavior to be corrected.
The next time you think your student/client/offspring just “wants attention,” don’t question why they want it. Ask why you don’t want to give it to them. Then ask what else you think they’re willing to do to get it.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
