rethinking men's issues #18

Fifteen years ago, Mark started at the bottom of the company. 

His boss kept giving him bigger and harder jobs.

He'd tell the boss he has never done that and doesn't know what he's doing.

The boss would say, "You can do it. I believe in you." 

Today Mark is still with the company, and the only person higher on the ladder is the boss who pushed him to do more.  

He told me there's nothing he can't do, because 15 years ago, one person believed in him.

And now he believes in himself.

I told Mark he should be a therapist because he gets it. 

Men, strip away all the jargon, the acronyms, the theories and systems, and therapy is about one person listening to you

and believing in you

and encouraging you to be a better version of yourself.

Because when someone else believes in you, 

you eventually start to believe in yourself.

All of mental health is built on a foundation of confidence.

Without it, everything else falls apart. 

Men, you say you don't want therapy or a therapist.

Fine. But ask yourself one question.

Do you want one person in your life who listens to you

and believes in you

and encourages you to be a better version of yourself? 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com  

rethinking men's issues #17

Men, every athlete who has ever been injured, which is every athlete, will tell you the emotional recovery is more difficult than the physical recovery. 

Your body is ready to get back in the game.

The knee heals.

The ankle heals.

The shoulder heals. 

But the brain remembers.

How long before that voice in your head stops asking am I really ready?

Can I perform as well as before?

When will I reinjure myself?

How long before you can run and jump and move 

without worrying about every step and twist and landing?

Healing emotionally takes time.

You know this. 

Your ego won't let you admit it. 

As long as you are fighting with yourself, you will never fully heal. 

When you have been hurt, give your mind the same chance to recover that you give your body. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #16

Men, your garage full of tools doesn't magically fix anything without you.

You have to use the tools. You have to do the work.

Your fancy grill/smoker with all the equipment doesn't make dinner by itself.

You have to use the tools. You have to do the work.

The exercise equipment collecting dust in your basement? 

You know.

Therapy works the exact same way.

You have to use the tools. You have to do the work. 

 

People ask me all the time if therapy works.

I tell them it only works if they do.

I can teach you the 4 coping skills (yes, there are only 4), anger management skills and communication skills, but it only means something if you are willing to put it all into action.

Same as your smoker, table saw or kettle bell.  

Men, when you are ready to see a therapist, be ready to do the work.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #15

How can I be calm when I need to be calm?

This problem is as common as it is misunderstood. 

 

Men, here's the big secret about getting and staying calm.

Being calm is a skill.

Like every other skill you possess, the more you do it, the better you get.

Being calm is the same as sinking a putt.

Or a free throw.

Or making a cold call from your office.

Or speaking to a crowd of 500. 

If you want to get better at something, you practice. 

And practice. 

And practice some more. 

Constantly refining your technique.

I encourage all of my clients to explore yoga, mindfulness or meditation, whatever feels right for them.

Each philosophy is about helping you build bodily and mental self awareness, two elements fundamental to getting and staying calm. 

Pick an approach and practice being calm. 

Being calm is a skill.

The more you do it, the better you get. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #14

It's too early.

It's too late.

It's too hot.

It's too cold.

It might rain. 

It's a full moon.

It's the day before the day before black Friday.

I might look stupid.

I might not be perfect.

Men, we are really good at making excuses.

We can always think of a million reasons not to do something. 

But what if we used our power for good?

Generate reasons to do something. 

It might be fun.

It's a new experience. 

I could meet someone new. 

I could run into someone I know.

This could lead to other opportunities. 

Every time you hit the fork in the road, ask yourself what kind of person you want to be.

Do you want to be the person that lets excuses hold you back?

Do you want to be the person who lives the life they want to live?

What kind of person do you want to be?

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #13

The world cup and mental health? 

Yes, I'm going there. Soccer lends itself so easily to what is the most important characteristic for good mental health.

I'm a lifelong soccer player, AND I understand why people think it's boring. 

Kick the ball. Chase the ball. Roll on the ground clutching your ankle like you've been tramped by an elephant in golf shoes.

If you watch soccer expecting highlight moves every 6 seconds and a tidal wave of scoring, you will be disappointed. Kind of like life. 

The game becomes more fascinating and enjoyable when you appreciate what the players are doing. Again, kind of like life.  

APPRECIATION: the most important characteristic for good mental health.

Feet are the body part we use the most and think about the least. 

We consciously ask nothing of them. Left right left right. Don't trip over each other. That is muscle memory, not a request. 

A soccer player's ultimate weapon is their feet. 

Accurately kicking a ball 30 to 40 yards is routine. That's farther than most people can throw a ball regardless of how close they get to the target. If an NFL quarterback accurately completes a 40-yard pass, we put him on cereal boxes.  

Soccer players can kick the ball 50 to 60 miles an hour, as fast as you drive your car. Believe me when I tell you taking a soccer ball off the thigh at 50 MPH leaves a bruise. 

They are dribbling through traffic with their feet, kind of like an NBA point guard, if the point guard couldn't use their hands. 

But they never score!!! 90 minutes and maybe a goal.  

In most areas of life, we appreciate something more when we have less of it.  

When you think about it that way, 1-0 doesn't look so bad after all. 

I don't expect you to pick a favorite team and paint a flag on your face. Truth is, you don't have to like something to appreciate it. But if you want to understand what the rest of the world loves about soccer, appreciation is a good place to start. 

Kind of like life.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #12

Men, we have established that if your inside doesn't match your outside, you are screwed. Emotions overflow. You fall apart. Bad things happen. 

Your inside always wins.

No matter how hard you try to ignore it, your inside always comes out, at the worst time and in the worst way.

How can we bring these two mortal rivals into alignment? Make them see eye to eye? 

The answer is simple AND something men struggle to do. 

Be nice to yourself. 

Don't leave. Let me explain. 

Think back to the example from my previous post. You're angry at work, but you hold it in...until you get home and explode on whoever you live with.

You're calm on the outside, but the inside is all the angry thoughts.

They're taking advantage of me.

This idiot needs to know how stupid they are. 

I feel week and I look soft. 

What if you told yourself something more complimentary and supportive?

I handled that well. 

I avoided another meeting in my boss's office.

That was impressive. I'm pretty good at my job.

This staying calm thing actually feels better than getting angry.

Stop sabotaging your own success with the thoughts of revenge and anger.

If you are doing well, acknowledge it.

Tell yourself all the nice things you wish others would tell you.

Let the inside match the outside.

Be nice to yourself. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com