rethinking men's issues #20

Men, being happy with your stuff IS NOT THE SAME as being happy with yourself. 

Like a lot of mental health messages, you know this but don't want to admit it.

We are a stuff-centric society, conditioned to think that stuff equals happiness. 

Keep up with the Joneses. The guy who dies with the most toys wins. But what do you really win?  

A basement full of crap that you bought thinking it would make you happy until one day you look at all the crap and realize you still aren't happy. 

The stuff isn't doing its job.  

A tiny voice in your head has the courage to admit that despite your well-stocked basement, there is something missing.

You try to ignore that voice because Joneses, toys, victory!!!

Listen to that voice.

Learn to be happy with yourself in spite of all the stuff you own, or want to own, or can't afford.

How do you do that?

We'll talk tomorrow. 

 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking Fun

If you aren't having fun doing what you are doing, make it fun or do something else.

This philosophy drives most of my life decisions, but I bring it up because maybe you have heard of kidulting.

Kidulting is a pseudo-intellectual term to describe the growing phenomenon of adults playing with toys.

This word is trash. It should be sailed out to the ocean and fed to sharks.

Nothing screams NOT FUN louder than someone explaining why adults want to have fun.

Adults want to have fun because having fun is fun, and being an adult is a soul-draining quagmire of passwords and taxes. 

The notion of adults playing with kids' toys is silly on many levels. There is nothing about toys that make them exclusive for kids. The toy doesn't care how old you are. The only people who care are the boring adults jealous of the people having all the fun. 

Have fun. Enjoy your life.

Stop listening to "experts" who use words like kidulting. 

You aren't an adult trying to act like a kid. 

You are a person acting like a person who wants to have fun. 

Now if you will excuse me, there's a bucket of sidewalk chalk with my name on it. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

mental health and AI, #3

"Use it or lose it." 

That's what they say about your physical health. 

The same is true for your cognitive functioning.

This is one of the most devious and destructive elements of AI.

Today, my job took me to 6 new locations in parts of town I'm not familiar with.

I could have asked AI to map the most efficient route.

I chose to do it myself.

I value my ability to chart my own course exponentially more than I value AI's ability to save 3 minutes of time.

Thinking for myself is not a skill I want to lose because I'm not using it.

The more you ask of AI, the less you expect of yourself.

Next time you ask AI to complete some mundane or ordinary task, ask yourself one question. 

"Is this a piece of myself I am willing to lose?"

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

mental health and AI #2

AI is taking hold in our society because we don't appreciate ourselves and our own abilities.

You ask AI to write an email for you.

You are asking a computer program to do something that you've done hundreds of times. 

But you aren't just writing an email.

You are organizing your thoughts.

You are articulating your needs in a way that is unique to you.

You have the confidence to hit send, thereby sharing your thoughts with others.

Have you stopped to think about how amazing those simple, routine tasks really are?

Or are you just writing an email?

When you ask AI to perform a mundane task (to do lists, emails, meeting agendas), you are devaluing your own ability to organize and express your thoughts in a way that no other species on the planet can.

You are losing piece of what makes you human.

We have to appreciate who we are and what we do, even if what we are doing seems routine and boring. 

Years ago, I compiled a list of 5 critical traits for good emotional health.

In my humble opinion, appreciation is the most important.

And we need it now more than ever before. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

mental health and AI #1

AI is taking hold in our society because we don't appreciate each other. 

You see a piece of art, or hear a song. What is your first thought? 

Either "I like this" or "it sucks."

We rarely think of the artist behind the art,

years of honing their craft,

learning and combining different techniques,

looking at our old word in a new way,

having the courage to publicly express themselves, thereby giving us a chance to tell them how much they suck. 

I'm not suggesting we have to like or love artistic creation.

It's ok to have a preference,

but we have to learn how to appreciate something, or someone, even if we don't like it. 

When we lose our ability to appreciate each other, we settle for AI slop created by someone with no more artistic talent than the ability to type "create a painting of flowers in the style of _________."

Looking at something and passing judgement is easy.

Appreciation takes the time and willingness to dig deeper and go beyond our likes and dislikes.

Years ago, I compiled a list of 5 critical traits for good emotional health.

In my humble opinion, appreciation is the most important.

And we need it now more than ever before. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

 

Rethinking men's issues #19

Men, we cling to two conflicting beliefs.

1. Change sucks.

2. We have to change.

Change sucks! LET'S GOOOOO!!!

 

That is textbook setting yourself up for failure. Of course you aren't finishing the thing that sucks.

Luckily, you don't have to change anything about you. Here's the proof.

Think of something you wish you could change about you.

This should be a quality, like more patient (less angry). 

Open to new ideas (less stuck in your ways).

Assertive (speaking up for yourself).

Willing and able to say no (putting your needs first).

Do you have the thing you want to change about you?

Now think of a time when you were that thing. 

Even if you have to go back to second grade

and it only happened once.

If you look hard enough, you will realize that you already are everything you want to be.

You don't have to change anything. 

Find your best qualities,

and be those things more often.

You already are everything you want to be.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #18

Fifteen years ago, Mark started at the bottom of the company. 

His boss kept giving him bigger and harder jobs.

He'd tell the boss he has never done that and doesn't know what he's doing.

The boss would say, "You can do it. I believe in you." 

Today Mark is still with the company, and the only person higher on the ladder is the boss who pushed him to do more.  

He told me there's nothing he can't do, because 15 years ago, one person believed in him.

And now he believes in himself.

I told Mark he should be a therapist because he gets it. 

Men, strip away all the jargon, the acronyms, the theories and systems, and therapy is about one person listening to you

and believing in you

and encouraging you to be a better version of yourself.

Because when someone else believes in you, 

you eventually start to believe in yourself.

All of mental health is built on a foundation of confidence.

Without it, everything else falls apart. 

Men, you say you don't want therapy or a therapist.

Fine. But ask yourself one question.

Do you want one person in your life who listens to you

and believes in you

and encourages you to be a better version of yourself? 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com