rethinking men's issues #8

my friend and i were sitting at the counter of a diner, waiting for breakfast, lamenting the lack of admirable people in the world.

news fatigue is real.

our phones are constantly force feeding us a steady diet of doomsday prophecies and immorality.

here's a headline you will never see: celebrity X paid their taxes in full AND on time.

where are the good people?

is anyone worthy of our admiration?

then the waitress brought our food.

a breakfast burrito and a breakfast sandwich, both with home fries and bottomless coffee.

side note: diner food is one of the great cuisines of the world, and that is a hill i will die on.

and there it was.

the friendly wait staff was working their asses off on a saturday morning for our comfort.

the flattop wizard in the back made sure our eggs were cheesy and the potatoes were seasoned.

the lobby was packed with patient diners waiting to support a deserving local business.

and before we knew it, with no help from our phones or social media, we were surrounded by people worthy of our admiration.

because you always find what you are looking for.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #7

men, mental health isn't math. 

one plus one doesn't always equal two.

when it comes to thoughts and emotions, there are very few absolutes.

this is one of them.

you always find what you are looking for.

whether you are looking at someone, something, or yourself, you always find what you are looking for.

consider this: your team lost by 4 points. what are you looking for?

a. the coach sucks. the GM sucks. this team sucks. season over!

b. could the referees be any worse? not a single call went our way.

c. the other team was better. with a few lucky bounces, we could have pulled this one out.

d. i didn't go hungry. hot dogs always taste better at the park/stadium/fairway...

e. who cares about wins and losses? I spent the day with my friend/kid/dad/spouse...

f. i'm just here for the bobbleheads!!!

every one of these statements can be true. which one do you want to be true for you?

if you want to find a reason to be angry that a group of strangers lost a game, you can absolutely find a reason to be angry at the group of strangers.

if being angry at the group of strangers playing a game doesn't sound appealing to you, then look for another takeaway. 

think of it as an emotional souvenir, one that won't collect dust in your basement for the next 20 years.

win or lose, you always find what you are looking for.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

  

rethinking men's issues #6

Men, if we're being honest, a big chunk of therapy is telling you stuff you already know.

Helping you develop the courage to believe what you are thinking.

Encouraging you to trust your judgement.

I say all that to say this.

You know ignoring your emotions and trauma and pain is destroying you.

This is not new information.

You know you are spending too much time and energy running from what is in your own head.

Keeping your emotions suppressed is like running a marathon while carrying two bowling balls.

It saps your energy and beats you down.

It clouds your judgement. 

It prevents you from performing your best.

You know you can't run from yourself forever. 

Therapy is your opportunity to unpack all the stuff you have been lugging around for far too long. 

Give yourself some physical, mental and emotional relief.

It's time to lighten your load.

But you know that. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #5

A lot of men are skeptical of therapy. Reluctant. Afraid.

Men, let me tell you what therapy really is.

Therapy is practice. Real world is game time.

You want to be more honest with yourself?

Work on anger management?

Reshape negative thinking?

Therapy is where you practice all of that.

Then when you get good at it, you put your new skills to use in the real world.

With your friends.

Or spouse.

Or at work.

Michael Jordan isn't the GOAT because he was good in practice.

He practiced.

The same skills.

Over and over.

Because when the game started...

when it mattered the most...

He wanted to be his best.

As the story goes, nobody outworked Michael Jordan in practice.  

Whether it's jumpers or honesty...

or anger management skills...

or negative thinking...

We have to practice to get better.

Therapy is practice. Real world is game time.







for information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #4

Empathy.

It's one of those words that has been shotgun blasted into the zeitgeist, but what does it really mean?

Men, let's simplify empathy. Strip it to the studs. 

Empathy is listening to another person for the sole purpose of understanding them. 

Empathy equals understanding.

Empathy is not about agreeing with someone.

It is acceptable to say "I don't agree, but I understand."

Empathy is not about right and wrong. It's not a contest.

Empathy is not about fixing something.

Not every problem can be solved with duct tape. 

Empathy is your willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Walk a mile in them.

And say "Wow! That's what it's like to walk a mile in your shoes."

You aren't criticizing their choice of footwear.

Or suggesting a better, more efficient path.

Or bragging that you could have walked it faster.

You are simply trying to understand where they have been, where they are and where they want to go.

Empathy equals understanding. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #3

The situation with women's hockey has me thinking a lot about men and empathy.

Specifically, men and their lack of empathy.

The women's Olympic hockey team just concluded one of the most dominant performances in the history of sports.

Not just hockey.

Not just women's hockey.

Sports. Period.

They played seven games against the best teams in the world.

They averaged almost 5 goals a game. 

They allowed two total goals in seven victories. TWO GOALS!!!

If an NHL goalie allows 2 goals per game, he's an all-star and an MVP candidate.

The women allowed 1 goal every 3.5 games.

And what do they get for their effort?

Men's hockey, come to the White House, and I guess your annoying little sister can tag along.

Ha ha he he. It's just a joke, girls. Relax.

If men had been so deliberately insulted, they would have stormed the capital wearing their Wayne Gretzky jerseys.

Because we're men. We don't tolerate that kind of disrespect.

I want to be crystal clear on one point.

I'm not defending women.

They just won a gold freaking medal in dominant fashion.

They don't need me for protection.

Men, this is about us.

We need to admit that we are the reason women are sick of us.

Our unwillingness to understand others is our shortcoming.

Our unwillingness to really listen to what our wives and sisters and mothers and daughters are telling us is our problem.  

We can no longer blame women because it was just a joke and you girls should lighten up.

Men, if I've said anything that offends you or rubs you the wrong way...

try smiling more.




for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #2

A client said he struggled with expressing "bad" emotions. 

He's not the first man to tell me this.

Sadness, fear and anxiety have the worst reputation.

Men think these emotions make them soft. 

Weak.

Vulnerable.

I encouraged my client to rethink his relationship with his emotions.

Because as long as he thinks they're bad, he'll do everything he can to avoid them.

And as "bad" as emotions are, his way of dealing with them is even worse.

In reality, emotions are the same as everything else in our lives.

They aren't good or bad. It all depends on how we use them.

If you drown your sadness in alcohol, the sadness is still neutral but your actions are harmful.

If you turn your sadness into music or a painting, the sadness is still neutral, but now you have created something beautiful.

Same emotion. Different response.

Men, please reconsider your relationship with your emotions.

They are as neutral as a hammer or a screwdriver.

What you do with them is up to you.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com