rethinking men's issues #2

A client said he struggled with expressing "bad" emotions. 

He's not the first man to tell me this.

Sadness, fear and anxiety have the worst reputation.

Men think these emotions make them soft. 

Weak.

Vulnerable.

I encouraged my client to rethink his relationship with his emotions.

Because as long as he thinks they're bad, he'll do everything he can to avoid them.

And as "bad" as emotions are, his way of dealing with them is even worse.

In reality, emotions are the same as everything else in our lives.

They aren't good or bad. It all depends on how we use them.

If you drown your sadness in alcohol, the sadness is still neutral but your actions are harmful.

If you turn your sadness into music or a painting, the sadness is still neutral, but now you have created something beautiful.

Same emotion. Different response.

Men, please reconsider your relationship with your emotions.

They are as neutral as a hammer or a screwdriver.

What you do with them is up to you.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #1

A client was surprised to learn that "men's issues" is a mental health category.

At least it is according to the website he used to find me.

While men do face unique social challenges, the category is not entirely accurate. 

What really is a "men's issue?"

What do men need to know about their mental health?

Those are questions I hope to answer this year.

Today, we build the foundation that everything else is built on.     

Men, you are just like everybody else.

You have the same emotional needs.

You want to be heard.

You want to be validated.

You want someone to say "that sucks, and your pain makes sense to me."

You know who else wants that? EVERYBODY!!!

If we are being entirely honest, "men's issues" is more than a little misleading.

You don't want to be heard and validated because you have a penis.

You want to be heard and validated because you think.

You feel. 

You struggle. 

You hurt. 

It doesn't matter what you drive, how much money you make, or what team you cheer for, the traditional social measures of manhood.

You deserve to be heard and validated because you are a person. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking the new year's resolution

It bothers me a lot that mental health and self care have become so intertwined with consumerism.

Our mental health is too valuable to cost so much.

If you are looking to do something for yourself in the new year that won't break the ban, I have the resolution for you.

This year, BE NICE TO YOURSELF FOR FREE!!!

Accept that you aren't, and don't have to be, perfect.

Recognize your effort regardless of the end result. Even in a loss, find the victories.

Give yourself all the compliments you wish others would give you.

Give yourself the pep talk that you give friends when they need a pick-me-up.

Stop comparing yourself to others!!!

Being nice to yourself is more than trips and hobbies and fine dining.

That stuff has its place, but what good are expensive toys and fancy meals if you are still riddled with insecurity and low self esteem? 

Be nice to yourself for free. 

Happy new year.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self esteem #10

Last time I posted, we talked about the underneath skills.

That is the stuff below the surface that shows the true you.

When a cook manages multiple pots and pans, they are multi tasking under pressure.

When things go wrong, a cook gets creative, resourceful and solves problems.

Why are the underneath skills so important? 

Because they give you the confidence to navigate life. 

When you focus on the surface, you convince yourself that you are only good in certain settings and situations. This limits what you think you can do.

Unless you are in the kitchen, when will you ever braise, fry or saute anything?

However, every day of your life you have the opportunity to be creative & resourceful,

calm under pressure, 

a decisive problem solver. 

We waste so much time trying to change.

You don't have to change anything.

You already are everything you want to be.

You just have to look for it.

Stop focusing on the surface.

You are more than a job title or familial relationship.

Find your underneath skills.

Discover the real you

and be that person more often.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking thanksgiving

a day that encourages us to focus on what we have???

we need thanksgiving every month.

every week.

every day.

please don't get wrapped up in semantics.

thanksgiving is not a high school english quiz.

give thanks.

be grateful.

be appreciative.

have gratitude. 

for the sake of your mental health, it's all the same. 

it's about finding the good stuff in your life.

take 30 seconds today to be happy with what you have.

happy with what you do.

happy with who you are.

have a happy thanksgiving.

every day.



for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self esteem #9

Last week I told you that too many people don't know who they are.

Can't recognize their strengths and positive qualities. 

Little to no self esteem.

People are good at seeing the surface.

I cook. I play video games. I have 3 kids. I'm a project manager. 

In order to really know yourself, 

and like yourself,

you have to go deeper.

You have to recognize and embrace your UNDERNEATH SKILLS. 

These are the strengths and positive qualities below the surface that show the real you.

Let's say you are a cook.

Of course you have knife skills.

You can saute, fry, braise.  

Now let's look at the underneath skills.

A cook prepares a meal so it all comes out together. Organized, with time management.

A cook manages multiple pots and pans at once. Multi tasker who can work under pressure.

When things don't go right, a cook finds a solution. Improvisational. Decisive. Problem solver. 

Missing the right ingredient? Find something close enough. Resourceful. Creative. Versatile. 

When you are in the kitchen, you are aren't just preparing food. 

You are the person you want to be.

If you spend even 30 seconds looking for it, I guarantee you will find that you are so much more than a hobby or profession or familial title. 

You always find what you are looking for, even if you are just looking at yourself. 

Look for your underneath skills

and find who you really are.

 

Next week I'll explain exactly why the underneath skills are so important. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self esteem #8

Tell me your strengths and positive qualities.

Believe it or not, this is the hardest question on my new client intake assessment.

I work primarily with teens and young adults.

They struggle to find anything good about themselves.

They can talk about their trauma.

Family chaos. 

Defective relationships.

Drug and alcohol use. 

They cannot tell me their strengths and positive qualities.

I even prompt them by saying "tell me who you are, not what you do."

Without direction, they would just rattle off a list of hobbies.

I play video games. I draw. I sing. I watch movies.

They know what they do. They do not know who they are.

It is extremely hard to feel good about yourself when you don't know who you are.

Self esteem is the foundation upon which all mental health sits.

All the skills in the world won't make a difference if you feel like you are never good enough. 

Caring about ourselves starts with our ability to identify and embrace our strengths and positive qualities.

Self esteem is not about what you do.

It is about who you are. 

Spend 30 seconds today thinking about who you are. 

Come back next week and I will illustrate exactly what that looks like.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com