rethinking men's issues #4

Empathy.

It's one of those words that has been shotgun blasted into the zeitgeist, but what does it really mean?

Men, let's simplify empathy. Strip it to the studs. 

Empathy is listening to another person for the sole purpose of understanding them. 

Empathy equals understanding.

Empathy is not about agreeing with someone.

It is acceptable to say "I don't agree, but I understand."

Empathy is not about right and wrong. It's not a contest.

Empathy is not about fixing something.

Not every problem can be solved with duct tape. 

Empathy is your willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Walk a mile in them.

And say "Wow! That's what it's like to walk a mile in your shoes."

You aren't criticizing their choice of footwear.

Or suggesting a better, more efficient path.

Or bragging that you could have walked it faster.

You are simply trying to understand where they have been, where they are and where they want to go.

Empathy equals understanding. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #3

The situation with women's hockey has me thinking a lot about men and empathy.

Specifically, men and their lack of empathy.

The women's Olympic hockey team just concluded one of the most dominant performances in the history of sports.

Not just hockey.

Not just women's hockey.

Sports. Period.

They played seven games against the best teams in the world.

They averaged almost 5 goals a game. 

They allowed two total goals in seven victories. TWO GOALS!!!

If an NHL goalie allows 2 goals per game, he's an all-star and an MVP candidate.

The women allowed 1 goal every 3.5 games.

And what do they get for their effort?

Men's hockey, come to the White House, and I guess your annoying little sister can tag along.

Ha ha he he. It's just a joke, girls. Relax.

If men had been so deliberately insulted, they would have stormed the capital wearing their Wayne Gretzky jerseys.

Because we're men. We don't tolerate that kind of disrespect.

I want to be crystal clear on one point.

I'm not defending women.

They just won a gold freaking medal in dominant fashion.

They don't need me for protection.

Men, this is about us.

We need to admit that we are the reason women are sick of us.

Our unwillingness to understand others is our shortcoming.

Our unwillingness to really listen to what our wives and sisters and mothers and daughters are telling us is our problem.  

We can no longer blame women because it was just a joke and you girls should lighten up.

Men, if I've said anything that offends you or rubs you the wrong way...

try smiling more.




for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #2

A client said he struggled with expressing "bad" emotions. 

He's not the first man to tell me this.

Sadness, fear and anxiety have the worst reputation.

Men think these emotions make them soft. 

Weak.

Vulnerable.

I encouraged my client to rethink his relationship with his emotions.

Because as long as he thinks they're bad, he'll do everything he can to avoid them.

And as "bad" as emotions are, his way of dealing with them is even worse.

In reality, emotions are the same as everything else in our lives.

They aren't good or bad. It all depends on how we use them.

If you drown your sadness in alcohol, the sadness is still neutral but your actions are harmful.

If you turn your sadness into music or a painting, the sadness is still neutral, but now you have created something beautiful.

Same emotion. Different response.

Men, please reconsider your relationship with your emotions.

They are as neutral as a hammer or a screwdriver.

What you do with them is up to you.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #1

A client was surprised to learn that "men's issues" is a mental health category.

At least it is according to the website he used to find me.

While men do face unique social challenges, the category is not entirely accurate. 

What really is a "men's issue?"

What do men need to know about their mental health?

Those are questions I hope to answer this year.

Today, we build the foundation that everything else is built on.     

Men, you are just like everybody else.

You have the same emotional needs.

You want to be heard.

You want to be validated.

You want someone to say "that sucks, and your pain makes sense to me."

You know who else wants that? EVERYBODY!!!

If we are being entirely honest, "men's issues" is more than a little misleading.

You don't want to be heard and validated because you have a penis.

You want to be heard and validated because you think.

You feel. 

You struggle. 

You hurt. 

It doesn't matter what you drive, how much money you make, or what team you cheer for, the traditional social measures of manhood.

You deserve to be heard and validated because you are a person. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking the new year's resolution

It bothers me a lot that mental health and self care have become so intertwined with consumerism.

Our mental health is too valuable to cost so much.

If you are looking to do something for yourself in the new year that won't break the ban, I have the resolution for you.

This year, BE NICE TO YOURSELF FOR FREE!!!

Accept that you aren't, and don't have to be, perfect.

Recognize your effort regardless of the end result. Even in a loss, find the victories.

Give yourself all the compliments you wish others would give you.

Give yourself the pep talk that you give friends when they need a pick-me-up.

Stop comparing yourself to others!!!

Being nice to yourself is more than trips and hobbies and fine dining.

That stuff has its place, but what good are expensive toys and fancy meals if you are still riddled with insecurity and low self esteem? 

Be nice to yourself for free. 

Happy new year.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self esteem #10

Last time I posted, we talked about the underneath skills.

That is the stuff below the surface that shows the true you.

When a cook manages multiple pots and pans, they are multi tasking under pressure.

When things go wrong, a cook gets creative, resourceful and solves problems.

Why are the underneath skills so important? 

Because they give you the confidence to navigate life. 

When you focus on the surface, you convince yourself that you are only good in certain settings and situations. This limits what you think you can do.

Unless you are in the kitchen, when will you ever braise, fry or saute anything?

However, every day of your life you have the opportunity to be creative & resourceful,

calm under pressure, 

a decisive problem solver. 

We waste so much time trying to change.

You don't have to change anything.

You already are everything you want to be.

You just have to look for it.

Stop focusing on the surface.

You are more than a job title or familial relationship.

Find your underneath skills.

Discover the real you

and be that person more often.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking thanksgiving

a day that encourages us to focus on what we have???

we need thanksgiving every month.

every week.

every day.

please don't get wrapped up in semantics.

thanksgiving is not a high school english quiz.

give thanks.

be grateful.

be appreciative.

have gratitude. 

for the sake of your mental health, it's all the same. 

it's about finding the good stuff in your life.

take 30 seconds today to be happy with what you have.

happy with what you do.

happy with who you are.

have a happy thanksgiving.

every day.



for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com