rethinking men's issues #10

Be a man.

 

Be manly. Do manly things.

That's the goal so many men are shooting for.

We have this image of ourselves as the independent cowboy blazing trails of testosterone across the plains.

Nothing could be further from the truth. 

In reality, we do what we do in the name of manhood based on the centuries of men who came before us.

Are you the first man in history who thinks it's manly to drink a beer? 

Or bench press 250 pounds?

Or never show fear?

Never admit defeat? 

Never ask for help?

Every day, men make decisions they know are mentally, physically and emotionally harmful to themselves, all because I'm a man and that's what men do!

Luckily, there's a simple solution.

YOU GET TO DEFINE WHAT MANHOOD MEANS TO YOU!!!

Stop taking your manhood cues from pirates, gangsters and cowboys who lived by different rules in different eras. 

Be your own man. 

Do what makes sense to you.

Do what feels right for you.

Isn't that what a real man would do?

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #9

Men, you always find what you are looking for.

Even if you are looking at yourself.

Imagine you are at the gym, lifting weights.

Surrounded by younger, stronger people lifting weights.

What do you see when you look in the mirror? 

1. This is embarrassing. I can't compete with these muscle heads.

2. I am so lame. I used to lift twice this much.

3. I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm still pretty good for my age.

4. I might not look different, but I feel better. 

5. Anything I'm doing at the gym is better than sitting on my couch watching a screen. 

Which one of these guys makes you feel better about yourself?

Which one of these guys do you want to be? 

Next time you look in the mirror, remember this: you always find what you are looking for.

Even when you are looking at yourself. 

 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #8

my friend and i were sitting at the counter of a diner, waiting for breakfast, lamenting the lack of admirable people in the world.

news fatigue is real.

our phones are constantly force feeding us a steady diet of doomsday prophecies and immorality.

here's a headline you will never see: celebrity X paid their taxes in full AND on time.

where are the good people?

is anyone worthy of our admiration?

then the waitress brought our food.

a breakfast burrito and a breakfast sandwich, both with home fries and bottomless coffee.

side note: diner food is one of the great cuisines of the world, and that is a hill i will die on.

and there it was.

the friendly wait staff was working their asses off on a saturday morning for our comfort.

the flattop wizard in the back made sure our eggs were cheesy and the potatoes were seasoned.

the lobby was packed with patient diners waiting to support a deserving local business.

and before we knew it, with no help from our phones or social media, we were surrounded by people worthy of our admiration.

because you always find what you are looking for.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #7

men, mental health isn't math. 

one plus one doesn't always equal two.

when it comes to thoughts and emotions, there are very few absolutes.

this is one of them.

you always find what you are looking for.

whether you are looking at someone, something, or yourself, you always find what you are looking for.

consider this: your team lost by 4 points. what are you looking for?

a. the coach sucks. the GM sucks. this team sucks. season over!

b. could the referees be any worse? not a single call went our way.

c. the other team was better. with a few lucky bounces, we could have pulled this one out.

d. i didn't go hungry. hot dogs always taste better at the park/stadium/fairway...

e. who cares about wins and losses? I spent the day with my friend/kid/dad/spouse...

f. i'm just here for the bobbleheads!!!

every one of these statements can be true. which one do you want to be true for you?

if you want to find a reason to be angry that a group of strangers lost a game, you can absolutely find a reason to be angry at the group of strangers.

if being angry at the group of strangers playing a game doesn't sound appealing to you, then look for another takeaway. 

think of it as an emotional souvenir, one that won't collect dust in your basement for the next 20 years.

win or lose, you always find what you are looking for.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

  

rethinking men's issues #6

Men, if we're being honest, a big chunk of therapy is telling you stuff you already know.

Helping you develop the courage to believe what you are thinking.

Encouraging you to trust your judgement.

I say all that to say this.

You know ignoring your emotions and trauma and pain is destroying you.

This is not new information.

You know you are spending too much time and energy running from what is in your own head.

Keeping your emotions suppressed is like running a marathon while carrying two bowling balls.

It saps your energy and beats you down.

It clouds your judgement. 

It prevents you from performing your best.

You know you can't run from yourself forever. 

Therapy is your opportunity to unpack all the stuff you have been lugging around for far too long. 

Give yourself some physical, mental and emotional relief.

It's time to lighten your load.

But you know that. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #5

A lot of men are skeptical of therapy. Reluctant. Afraid.

Men, let me tell you what therapy really is.

Therapy is practice. Real world is game time.

You want to be more honest with yourself?

Work on anger management?

Reshape negative thinking?

Therapy is where you practice all of that.

Then when you get good at it, you put your new skills to use in the real world.

With your friends.

Or spouse.

Or at work.

Michael Jordan isn't the GOAT because he was good in practice.

He practiced.

The same skills.

Over and over.

Because when the game started...

when it mattered the most...

He wanted to be his best.

As the story goes, nobody outworked Michael Jordan in practice.  

Whether it's jumpers or honesty...

or anger management skills...

or negative thinking...

We have to practice to get better.

Therapy is practice. Real world is game time.







for information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #4

Empathy.

It's one of those words that has been shotgun blasted into the zeitgeist, but what does it really mean?

Men, let's simplify empathy. Strip it to the studs. 

Empathy is listening to another person for the sole purpose of understanding them. 

Empathy equals understanding.

Empathy is not about agreeing with someone.

It is acceptable to say "I don't agree, but I understand."

Empathy is not about right and wrong. It's not a contest.

Empathy is not about fixing something.

Not every problem can be solved with duct tape. 

Empathy is your willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Walk a mile in them.

And say "Wow! That's what it's like to walk a mile in your shoes."

You aren't criticizing their choice of footwear.

Or suggesting a better, more efficient path.

Or bragging that you could have walked it faster.

You are simply trying to understand where they have been, where they are and where they want to go.

Empathy equals understanding. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com