mental health and AI #1

AI is taking hold in our society because we don't appreciate each other. 

You see a piece of art, or hear a song. What is your first thought? 

Either "I like this" or "it sucks."

We rarely think of the artist behind the art,

years of honing their craft,

learning and combining different techniques,

looking at our old word in a new way,

having the courage to publicly express themselves, thereby giving us a chance to tell them how much they suck. 

I'm not suggesting we have to like or love artistic creation.

It's ok to have a preference,

but we have to learn how to appreciate something even if we don't like it. 

We have to learn to appreciate each other and what we can contribute to our society.

When we lose our ability to appreciate each other, we settle for AI slop created by someone with no more artistic talent than the ability to type "create a painting of flowers in the style of _________."

Years ago, I compiled a list of 5 critical traits for good emotional health.

In my humble opinion, appreciation is the most important.

And we need it now more than ever before. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

 

Rethinking men's issues #19

Men, we cling to two conflicting beliefs.

1. Change sucks.

2. We have to change.

Change sucks! LET'S GOOOOO!!!

 

That is textbook setting yourself up for failure. Of course you aren't finishing the thing that sucks.

Luckily, you don't have to change anything about you. Here's the proof.

Think of something you wish you could change about you.

This should be a quality, like more patient (less angry). 

Open to new ideas (less stuck in your ways).

Assertive (speaking up for yourself).

Willing and able to say no (putting your needs first).

Do you have the thing you want to change about you?

Now think of a time when you were that thing. 

Even if you have to go back to second grade

and it only happened once.

If you look hard enough, you will realize that you already are everything you want to be.

You don't have to change anything. 

Find your best qualities,

and be those things more often.

You already are everything you want to be.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #18

Fifteen years ago, Mark started at the bottom of the company. 

His boss kept giving him bigger and harder jobs.

He'd tell the boss he has never done that and doesn't know what he's doing.

The boss would say, "You can do it. I believe in you." 

Today Mark is still with the company, and the only person higher on the ladder is the boss who pushed him to do more.  

He told me there's nothing he can't do, because 15 years ago, one person believed in him.

And now he believes in himself.

I told Mark he should be a therapist because he gets it. 

Men, strip away all the jargon, the acronyms, the theories and systems, and therapy is about one person listening to you

and believing in you

and encouraging you to be a better version of yourself.

Because when someone else believes in you, 

you eventually start to believe in yourself.

All of mental health is built on a foundation of confidence.

Without it, everything else falls apart. 

Men, you say you don't want therapy or a therapist.

Fine. But ask yourself one question.

Do you want one person in your life who listens to you

and believes in you

and encourages you to be a better version of yourself? 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com  

rethinking men's issues #17

Men, every athlete who has ever been injured, which is every athlete, will tell you the emotional recovery is more difficult than the physical recovery. 

Your body is ready to get back in the game.

The knee heals.

The ankle heals.

The shoulder heals. 

But the brain remembers.

How long before that voice in your head stops asking am I really ready?

Can I perform as well as before?

When will I reinjure myself?

How long before you can run and jump and move 

without worrying about every step and twist and landing?

Healing emotionally takes time.

You know this. 

Your ego won't let you admit it. 

As long as you are fighting with yourself, you will never fully heal. 

When you have been hurt, give your mind the same chance to recover that you give your body. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #16

Men, your garage full of tools doesn't magically fix anything without you.

You have to use the tools. You have to do the work.

Your fancy grill/smoker with all the equipment doesn't make dinner by itself.

You have to use the tools. You have to do the work.

The exercise equipment collecting dust in your basement? 

You know.

Therapy works the exact same way.

You have to use the tools. You have to do the work. 

 

People ask me all the time if therapy works.

I tell them it only works if they do.

I can teach you the 4 coping skills (yes, there are only 4), anger management skills and communication skills, but it only means something if you are willing to put it all into action.

Same as your smoker, table saw or kettle bell.  

Men, when you are ready to see a therapist, be ready to do the work.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #15

How can I be calm when I need to be calm?

This problem is as common as it is misunderstood. 

 

Men, here's the big secret about getting and staying calm.

Being calm is a skill.

Like every other skill you possess, the more you do it, the better you get.

Being calm is the same as sinking a putt.

Or a free throw.

Or making a cold call from your office.

Or speaking to a crowd of 500. 

If you want to get better at something, you practice. 

And practice. 

And practice some more. 

Constantly refining your technique.

I encourage all of my clients to explore yoga, mindfulness or meditation, whatever feels right for them.

Each philosophy is about helping you build bodily and mental self awareness, two elements fundamental to getting and staying calm. 

Pick an approach and practice being calm. 

Being calm is a skill.

The more you do it, the better you get. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #14

It's too early.

It's too late.

It's too hot.

It's too cold.

It might rain. 

It's a full moon.

It's the day before the day before black Friday.

I might look stupid.

I might not be perfect.

Men, we are really good at making excuses.

We can always think of a million reasons not to do something. 

But what if we used our power for good?

Generate reasons to do something. 

It might be fun.

It's a new experience. 

I could meet someone new. 

I could run into someone I know.

This could lead to other opportunities. 

Every time you hit the fork in the road, ask yourself what kind of person you want to be.

Do you want to be the person that lets excuses hold you back?

Do you want to be the person who lives the life they want to live?

What kind of person do you want to be?

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com