rethinking men's issues #14

It's too early.

It's too late.

It's too hot.

It's too cold.

It might rain. 

It's a full moon.

It's the day before the day before black Friday.

I might look stupid.

I might not be perfect.

Men, we are really good at making excuses.

We can always think of a million reasons not to do something. 

But what if we used our power for good?

Generate reasons to do something. 

It might be fun.

It's a new experience. 

I could meet someone new. 

I could run into someone I know.

This could lead to other opportunities. 

Every time you hit the fork in the road, ask yourself what kind of person you want to be.

Do you want to be the person that lets excuses hold you back?

Do you want to be the person who lives the life they want to live?

What kind of person do you want to be?

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #13

The world cup and mental health? 

Yes, I'm going there. Soccer lends itself so easily to what is the most important characteristic for good mental health.

I'm a lifelong soccer player, AND I understand why people think it's boring. 

Kick the ball. Chase the ball. Roll on the ground clutching your ankle like you've been tramped by an elephant in golf shoes.

If you watch soccer expecting highlight moves every 6 seconds and a tidal wave of scoring, you will be disappointed. Kind of like life. 

The game becomes more fascinating and enjoyable when you appreciate what the players are doing. Again, kind of like life.  

APPRECIATION: the most important characteristic for good mental health.

Feet are the body part we use the most and think about the least. 

We consciously ask nothing of them. Left right left right. Don't trip over each other. That is muscle memory, not a request. 

A soccer player's ultimate weapon is their feet. 

Accurately kicking a ball 30 to 40 yards is routine. That's farther than most people can throw a ball regardless of how close they get to the target. If an NFL quarterback accurately completes a 40-yard pass, we put him on cereal boxes.  

Soccer players can kick the ball 50 to 60 miles an hour, as fast as you drive your car. Believe me when I tell you taking a soccer ball off the thigh at 50 MPH leaves a bruise. 

They are dribbling through traffic with their feet, kind of like an NBA point guard, if the point guard couldn't use their hands. 

But they never score!!! 90 minutes and maybe a goal.  

In most areas of life, we appreciate something more when we have less of it.  

When you think about it that way, 1-0 doesn't look so bad after all. 

I don't expect you to pick a favorite team and paint a flag on your face. Truth is, you don't have to like something to appreciate it. But if you want to understand what the rest of the world loves about soccer, appreciation is a good place to start. 

Kind of like life.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking men's issues #12

Men, we have established that if your inside doesn't match your outside, you are screwed. Emotions overflow. You fall apart. Bad things happen. 

Your inside always wins.

No matter how hard you try to ignore it, your inside always comes out, at the worst time and in the worst way.

How can we bring these two mortal rivals into alignment? Make them see eye to eye? 

The answer is simple AND something men struggle to do. 

Be nice to yourself. 

Don't leave. Let me explain. 

Think back to the example from my previous post. You're angry at work, but you hold it in...until you get home and explode on whoever you live with.

You're calm on the outside, but the inside is all the angry thoughts.

They're taking advantage of me.

This idiot needs to know how stupid they are. 

I feel week and I look soft. 

What if you told yourself something more complimentary and supportive?

I handled that well. 

I avoided another meeting in my boss's office.

That was impressive. I'm pretty good at my job.

This staying calm thing actually feels better than getting angry.

Stop sabotaging your own success with the thoughts of revenge and anger.

If you are doing well, acknowledge it.

Tell yourself all the nice things you wish others would tell you.

Let the inside match the outside.

Be nice to yourself. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com