You want to be encouraging and supportive. You respond with, "Nice job, and I know you'll do better next time."
Next time.
You think it's motivating. Parent of the Year material. Your child doesn't.
Next time. You are focused on the future. They are in the moment, thinking "I'm not good enough right now."
I'm not good enough.
Your well-intended words leave your child with the feeling that they are not good enough.
Be in the moment and let a person have their moment. Even if you think they can do better, LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT! Hey, nice job. I'm proud of you. Good stuff. You rock.
There will be other times to focus on working harder, diligence, and all the healthy traits you want to instill in them. It can wait. Sending them the subtle message that they aren't good enough often has the opposite effect. It kills their desire to improve. If someone thinks they aren't good enough, then the next step is to think they never will be good enough. If that's the case, why put in the effort?
I'm not suggesting you throw a ticker tape parade for every accomplishment. However, it is important to celebrate all their victories, no matter how small you think they are. Let someone know you recognize their effort and appreciate what they are doing. No qualifiers. No asterisks. No next time.
The power of positive reinforcement can never be overstated. Be in the moment. Let someone know they are good enough. Right now.
For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For creative consultation on your professional literature or your Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
