rethinking the new year's resolution

I took the liberty of writing your new year's resolution.

here's the short version. 

be nice to yourself.

here's the extended remix.

give yourself the compliments you wish everyone else would give you.

give yourself credit for the things you do that you wish others would notice.

give yourself credit for the stuff you do that nobody sees. 

remind yourself that you do things well. 

and you don't have to be perfect. 

and forgive yourself when you think you mess up.

but most of all,

be nice to yourself.

and don't have a happy new year.

make a happy new year. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #27

i started this appreciation exercise 6 months ago. 

i've appreciated small things (punctuation marks)

and big things (friendship)

and all things in between, from knees to hotel beds and tree limbs. 

honestly, and foolishly, I thought it would be easier. 

how hard is it to appreciate my embarrassment of riches? 

a cozy couch to sit on

and big windows to look out of

with a lovely view of trees and neighbors.

as it turns out, 

some days appreciation is hard. 

appreciating what you have takes constant work

and deliberate reminders. 

there is no muscle memory

or autopilot. 

if you want to bring more appreciation into your life,

or gratitude,

or thankfulness,

whatever works for you,

be ready to do the work. 

and know that I appreciate your effort.

but more than that...

appreciate yourself. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #26

there is facebook group called "buy nothing." the purpose is simple: people give stuff away for free. 

they post items.

you stake your claim.

porch pick up.

it is built entirely on the notion that we can still each other.

inviting strangers to your home feels like vestiges of a time when we didn't all have doorbell alarms and cameras watching every window. 

I very much appreciate that trust is not just a thing our grandparents talk about while we shake our heads in disbelief.

you didn't call the cops when someone came to your front door? ok, granny. cool story. 

and this happens all year. 

right now, everyone is awash in holiday spirit. giving and caring and sharing. 

in a few weeks (hopefully) or days (probably) that all fades away. 

when you need a reminder that there is still goodness in the world, go to your neighborhood buy nothing group.

you will find people giving away stuff they could easily sell at a garage sale. 

and you will find people coming to your door with the sole purpose of taking only what is there for them. 

the world is a crazy place. 

doom scrolling and 24-7 media has made us jaded and suspicious. 

it's nice to know that kindness and decency is closer than you think. 

it's sitting at your neighbor's front door in a bag with your name on it.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

   

 

  

rethinking appreciation #24

a client's friend committed suicide. he was in his early 40's. 

we talked about how toxic masculinity contributed to his friend's suffering.

decades of don't cry.

don't talk about emotions.

suffer in silence like a man. 

he told me his friend's death inspired him to reach out more often to his male friends.

to ask how they are doing.

to share his own experience with therapy.

to encourage them to seek help if they need it. 

I commended his willingness to turn his friends' death into something meaningful.

I also shared with him I have male friends who tell me they love me.

and hug me. 

and on the most micro of scales, strive to destroy the plague of toxic masculinity.

because that only happens one interaction at a time. 

as much as I appreciate anything else, I appreciate my male friends who are comfortable enough to show affection.

and feel their emotions. 

and rethink what it means

to be a man.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

 

rethinking appreciation #25

younger me had friends. 

younger me didn't think anything of it.

it was a normal part of childhood.

we watched movies. hopped fences. broke windows with balls base, foot and soccer. 

maybe it's because we didn't have demanding schedules.

making time for friends was easy. and easy to take for granted.

I was such a doofus.

the one thing i wish younger me appreciated more is friendship. 

busy older me appreciates when someone chooses to have me in their life. 

invites me into their home.

introduces me to their friends and family.

because it's easy to make excuses not to include someone. 

we want to keep the guest list small.

he won't come. 

we forgot.

friendship is a way of saying "i appreciate who you are and i appreciate having you in my life."

maybe it's not what you're thinking

but it's what I tell myself. 

if you have ever invited me into your home

or into your world

i appreciate that you think i am someone worthy of your time.

and I'm sorry that younger me was such a doofus 😊 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #23

yoga is as close to a miracle drug as the world has ever known. 

i believe this despite my limited experience with drugs, miracle or otherwise. 

I took my first class years ago when yoga was only a thing for granola eating hippies. i appreciate everything it's done for me mentally and physically. 

i want to focus on one specific function of yoga that just happens to be the first two coping skills. 

to recap, the 4 coping skills: breathe, body awareness, rethink your situation, positive self reinforcement. 

yoga is all about breathing and bodily awareness. 

you aren't just touching toes and bending like a pretzel. you are paying attention to your body as you move. 

what part of your foot is touching the ground?

is your stomach tight or loose?

are you breathing through your mouth or nose?

when you practice breathing and body awareness, you get better at both. same as every skill.

then when you need to breathe and calm down, you have already put in the practice. 

the goal is not to break into downward dog or warrior pose every time you're frustrated. the goal is to calm yourself down so you can better handle what is bothering you.

when you take control of your body, you can take control of the situation. 

yoga trains you to do just that.  

without a prescription.

or a co-pay. 

or a hangover. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #22

here's a simple tip to spice up your appreciation

gratitude

or thankfulness. 

get small.

everyone says they are thankful for family.

friends.

neighbors. 

that's the big answer.

challenge yourself to get small.

be thankful for something about them. 

some tiny detail of their personality.

or a particular skill they possess.

or something they have done for you.

what about that person makes them special to you?

maybe it's something only you see.

or a story that only makes sense

or means something

to you.

because the smaller the detail

the bigger the appreciation.

happy thanksgiving.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com