Rethinking Goals: Part 2

Most people set a goal for one reason: they want to be happy. Unfortunately, accomplishment does not guarantee happiness. No matter what your goal is, if you want to be happy there is only one goal that will get you there. 

Enjoy the process. 

If you want to feel better about yourself, you have to learn to enjoy the journey, not the destination. Let's look at the three pitfalls of goal setting and how focusing on the process helps you avoid all of them. 

1. Goals create an all or nothing mindset. Focusing on the process is the exact opposite of all or nothing. Yes, you still have a goal to accomplish, but you aren't solely focused on whether or not you reach the finish line. Even if you don't reach your goal, you can still find countless reasons to feel good about the progress you did make.       

2. We are never satisfied. Focusing on the process teaches us to look for all the little victories we experience on the way to our goal. It teaches us to recognize what we are doing, to give ourselves credit for it and to take pride in our efforts. In short, focusing on the process allows us to be happy with ourselves whether or not we accomplish our goal.    

3. The goal itself doesn't necessarily make you happy. Happiness isn't automatic or guaranteed. You have to look for it. You have to acknowledge it. You have to make it happen. Focusing on the process teaches you to look for all the reasons you have to be happy.    

You've set a goal. Now consider these two options. 

a. You can delay your gratification, and you might experience a fleeting moment of happiness at some time in the unforeseeable future. A day. A month. A year from now, you might be happy but only when you accomplish your goal.

b. You can be happy every step of the way. Even if you don't reach your goal, you are focusing on the process and the hundreds of positive steps you are taking. 

Which do you prefer? 

If you're waiting for the end to find your happiness, you'll be doing exactly that...waiting. If you want to be happy, start right now.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking Goals: Part 1

A goal is a tool that can help you achieve what you want to do and be who you want to be. Like every other tool, you need to know how to use it to get the most out of it. If you're using it wrong, there's a chance you could get hurt. 

Let me be very clear: I AM NOT AGAINST SETTING GOALS. I have set and achieved goals. They can help give you focus & direction. It's not as easy as set it and forget it. People need to understand what they're doing when they set a goal. 

Here are three common mental pitfalls you need to be aware of before you set any goal.

1. Goals create an all or nothing mindset. When we set goals, it's easy to get sucked into extremist thinking. I achieved my goal, so I'm a success, or I didn't achieve my goal, so I'm a failure. Black and white thinking is one of the classic negative thought patterns. If you check the dictionary, you'll find opportunity between success and failure.    

2. We are never satisfied. This is less about the goal and more about us. Even if we do achieve our goal, we are very good at conjuring up reasons not to be satisfied. We can't let ourselves be happy with what we've done because we are convinced we can do more. We downplay and minimize our accomplishments. Basically, we keep moving the goal line, ensuring that we are perpetually chasing happiness. That leads us to the third problem.   

3. The goal itself doesn't necessarily make you happy. Not only does it not guarantee happiness, it doesn't even teach you how to be happy. If you think about it, the reason behind all of our goals is happiness. We do things that we think will make us happy. If you aren't happy doing what you're doing, you'll probably talk yourself out of doing it. That's one more goal, sitting in your basement with all the other old, broken goals that you keep as a reminder of what you didn't accomplish.    

If you want to be happy, or satisfied, or content, no matter what you want to accomplish there is only one goal that will get you there. 

We'll talk about that next week. 

For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking the Purpose, Meaning and Secret of Life

Admittedly, I am a simpleton. This time I might have gone too far. I have discovered the secret, meaning and purpose of life. It's all the same, and it's been right in front of me the entire time.

Our purpose in life is what we make it.

The meaning of our life is what we make it.

The secret to our life is that it is it what we make it.

Absolutely everything in our life is what we make it.

Our triumphs and tragedies. Our successes and failures. Everything in life has as much or as little meaning as we want to give it. If you believe you are a random accident aimlessly floating through space on a giant rock, then that is your choice. If you need more motivation to get out of bed every day, then name your own motivation.

Here's the real contradiction: We're a nation of independent, self made cowboys. We want to do our own thing, blaze our own trails. But when it comes to answering these questions of meaning and purpose, we want someone else to answer it for us. We think some expert knows us better than we know ourselves.  

We have our own answers. We know what we want to be. We know what we are here to do. We know what we want to do and how we want to do it. 

We need to have courage in our convictions. 

Our life is what we make it.  




For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com