Self care has become synonymous with spending money on hobbies to distract us from life's problems.
This is nothing more than socially acceptable addiction. If someone says they rely on drugs and alcohol to manage their stress, we sound the alarm. If someone says they rely on cooking and exercise to mange their stress, we extol that as virtuous.
I say it's all avoidance.
We have become dependent on external factors to manage our emotions. We need hobbies to take the edge off. Decompress. Get back to normal. A hobby is something you should want to do, not something you need to do. Otherwise, it's a chore, which explains why so many people have a basement full of expensive self care they no longer use.
Self care is important. Sometimes you have to take a break from your problems. But if you rely exclusively on your hobbies to get you through life, then you are trapped in a dangerous cycle: get stressed, self care, avoid problems, relax until the next stressor, repeat.
Self care is not just what we do when we can find 5 free minutes after the kids go to bed.
Self care is what we tell ourselves all day, every day, in the moment of stress and the fallout.
Are you focused on the millions of ways life will fall apart? Or do you remind yourself that it's never as bad as you think it will be?
Are you fixated on how you'll fail or what you can do to address the problem?
Are you focused on what you don't have or what you do have?
If you effectively manage your stress in the moment, you won't be so dependent on your hobbies.
For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
