A friend told me she still hasn’t adjusted to being a mom. This is a common refrain for parents with newborns, but my friend’s daughter is almost 3.
When I asked what she struggles with the most, she said it’s the constant noise in her home. I suggested that instead of thinking of her daughter as an angry little invader plundering the village, think of her as a modern day Marco Polo, exploring and discovering her world. Kids learn by experimenting, trial and error. This is normal, essential for healthy development and frequently louder than we would like.
Now my friend isn’t getting frustrated trying to change her kid’s behavior. She is changing her perception of what is happening.
Noisy kids are like every other event in our life. The thing itself is not inherently upsetting; our thoughts on the event make us mad, sad, happy, frustrated, etc…
If you are a parent and all you hear is noise, you get angry and your goal is to stop the noise. This goes bad faster than unrefrigerated milk. Arguments. Power struggles. Fractured child-parent relationship. Stifling their natural curiosity and playfulness. All the things parents say they don’t want. It starts with your thoughts: WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD???
When you think of the noise as a normal part of play, then you hear your child entertaining themselves, exploring, solving problems, building the skills every parent wants their child to possess. It makes you happy to have a healthy creative child. Again, it starts with your thoughts.
I have little ones. I know it’s tough. No one said parenting would be easy or quiet. If you can reshape what you think about your kids, you will be happier, they will be happier and maybe years from now they won’t be telling a therapist about their rotten parents.
Need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and need creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
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