Rethinking Coping Skill

You are sad, angry, stressed, anxious, emotionally overwhelmed. What do you do? You might be surprised to know there are only 3 coping skills that enable you to successfully manage a stressful situation. Everything else you think is a coping skill is at best a diversion, at worst avoidance.

First, let's define coping skill. In it's most basic form, a coping skill is something we do to manage our emotional stress.

Let's add the missing piece. "In the moment."

A coping skill is something we do in the moment to manage our emotional stress.

"In the moment" is critical and, sadly, overlooked or left out entirely.

Running. Cooking. Shopping. Drinking. Listening to music. People think these activities are coping skills. For too long, the mental health profession has reinforced the notion that they are coping skills. Next week I'll explain exactly what is wrong with this. For now, let's look at the only 3 coping skills you need to manage those moments when you are emotionally compromised.

1. Breathe. Clients ask me all the time what they should do when they are stressed. Breathing is a thing to do! Think of it as resetting your system, the equivalent to restarting your computer when it's giving you problems. You're getting worked up? Take a deep breath and start over.     

2. Body awareness. Paying attention to your body is another thing to do. You can't take control of a situation until you take control of your body. Think of all the things your body does when you are emotionally charged. Fists clench. Shoulders shrug. Chest tightens. Face grimaces. It is impossible to think clearly when your body is doing things you don't want it to do. Take a breath and take inventory of your body. What's it doing and what do you need to do to regain control?

3. Rethink your situation. This is cognitive behavioral therapy in a nutshell. Every therapeutic model contains elements of CBT. No situation is good or bad. Our perception of that situation is what throws us into a panic. Remember TEA. Your Thoughts control your Emotions. Your Emotions control your Actions. Get your thoughts straight and everything else falls in line.

This isn't a linear checklist. However, if you want to develop body awareness, breathing is a great place to start. If you want to rethink your situation, it's going to be easier to do after you've taken that breath and gotten your body under control. It all works together.

Now you know the only 3 coping skills you need to effectively manage the moment. Next week, we will rethink everything else you think is a coping skill but really isn't.





For information on anger management and/or individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation with your business literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com