Rethinking What You Think Are Coping Skills

As you know by now, there are only 3 coping skills that will effectively help you manage your emotions in the moment.

1. Breathe.

2. Body awareness.

3. Rethink your situation with TEA: thoughts, emotions, actions.

There is a common misconception that any other activity can pass for a coping skill: running, cooking, writing, listening to music, shopping, exercise, etc... 

The major stumbling block for all of these is "in the moment." Consider this. 

At work, your boss is critical of your performance. You are stressed. How realistic is it for you to clock out, run a 5K or cook a meal or go shopping, go back and address your boss's concerns? Not very. At best, it's a diversion, a temporary break from addressing the situation.

Let's look at the other way this situation frequently plays out. 

Your boss gives you an earful. You hold it in. You go home. You run. You feel better. 

The next day, a co-worker gets on your bad side. You hold it in. You go home. You run. You feel better.

The next day, a customer blasts you. You hold it in. You go home. You run. You feel better. 

Do you see a pattern? That's because your "coping skill" isn't teaching you how to manage your emotions. It's not helping you manage future stress. You are using your hobby as a way of actively avoiding your problem. What you think is a coping skill is really avoidance.

A healthy coping skill is something you can use in the moment. It is also a SKILL. Like any other skill you possess, the more you do it, the better you get. As you improve your breathing, your body awareness, your rethinking, these skills will help you effectively manage future stressful situations.

You can work your way up from a 5K to a marathon, but if it doesn't help you manage the moment, it's not a coping skill. 

Please don't think I am criticizing your hobbies. You need relief from stress. You need time to clear your head and remove yourself from toxic situations. These activities can serve a healthy function. Call them activities...hobbies...stress relievers. Please don't call them coping skills. Save that for...

Breathing.

Body Awareness.

Rethinking your situation with TEA.

For more information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation with your business literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com