Rethinking coping SKILLS

Typically, when we think of coping skills, we focus on coping; what can we do to navigate a stressful situation? What gets commonly overlooked is that coping skills are SKILLS.

A skill is something you can learn.

The more you work on your coping SKILLS, the better you get. Coping skills are like every other skill you have. The more you do it, the better you get.

The better you get, the more self confidence you develop. 

The more confident you feel, the more likely you are to apply these skills in different settings and situations.

For all of this to happen, you have to embrace the idea that coping skills are skills. You have to believe that breathing, body awareness and TEA (thoughts/Emotions/Actions) are things you can do.

Ideally, this is how coping skills work in real life.

Things fall apart at work. You go to your office and freak out/melt down for 30 minutes. Then you remember to take a breath, check your body and rethink the situation, and move on with your day.

Next time things go south, it only takes you 15 minutes to apply your coping skills. Then 5. Pretty soon, you are using these skills in the moment to avoid freaking out/melting down.

Now that you feel better about what you do, you are applying these skills beyond the work place: when your kids are stepping on your last nerve or when some doofus driver cuts you off without warning.

Yes, you have gotten better at coping in the work place. Yes, these situations are very different, but the skills you use are exactly the same.

Don't worry if you aren't perfect. Nobody is. Don't worry about setbacks. Even the best baseball players strike out. Don't worry if someone seems better at coping than you are. It's not a contest.

Focus on developing your skills. If you can do this, your skills will improve, and so will you.



For information on individual counseling sessions, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation with your business literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com