If you have worked with kids of any age for even 5 minutes, you've heard this dumb thing.
They just want attention.
It's always said with a sneer. Of all the dumb things I hear, this one pisses me off the most. It is simultaneously 100% accurate and 100% misses the point. It's like having the food on your fork and it's so close to your mouth but you jab yourself in the eye instead.
Yes, kids want attention. Correction. Kids NEED attention. They need to be recognized and appreciated. When they are young, they beg for it. Hey Mom, look at me. Hey Dad, watch this. Positive reinforcement helps them develop confidence and grow into healthy, functioning adults.
We have turned wanting attention into a punishable offense. Acting up? Go to your room. In school suspension. Detention hall. How have we allowed our society to vilify the most basic of human needs?
When kids act up, they are begging for attention. A cry for help is not criminal intent!
Believe it or not, it gets worse. If a kid doesn't get positive attention, what will they do?
That's right. They will do whatever it takes to get any attention they can. Their behavior is predictable. We can always spot the trouble makers. We know they need healthy attention and we don't do anything about it. Instead, we create systems of punishment to "teach them responsibility," then we sit back and wait for them to fail.
Years ago, I learned what is as close to a one-size-fits-all intervention as there could be. The next time a kid is acting up, instead of lecturing them, say "I see you are struggling. Thanks for letting me know you need some help." It won't work every time, but you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Stop the lectures. Stop the punishments. Give kids the attention they need.
For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For creative consultation with your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
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