We say dumb things...all the time.
We don't say dumb things because we are malicious. We have good intentions and poor execution.
This is the first post in a series about the dumb things we say. Whenever possible, I'll provide an alternative. I'll start with the granddaddy of all dumb things. It feels like it's been around the longest & gets the most use.
It will be ok.
We say things will be ok. We hope things will be ok. The problem is we can't guarantee anything will be ok. In fact, the person we are reassuring probably recognizes the statement as a promise we cannot fulfill. They've heard it dozens of times and there they are, still breaking down, still needing help.
Very often, they are thinking, "Nothing in my life has ever been ok. What makes you think it will be ok now?" Our effort to comfort them only agitates them.
When I hear "it will be ok," I hear a passive, defeated attitude. Nothing magically gets better in life. Things only change when we do the work. We can't simply sit around waiting for life to get better.
I never tell a client things will get better. Instead I tell them we'll keep working. I want them to know that we are in this together and it's going to take effort from both of us.
No, it won't be ok.
Yes, we will keep working on it, together.
For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For creative consultation on your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
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