In order to truly forgive someone, you have to do one thing most people are unwilling to do.
You have to be nice to someone who treated you poorly. Truly nice. Not the fake nice where you put on a smile but deep down you are cursing their existence.
Holding a grudge only hurts you. It's punching yourself in the face and hoping the other person gets a black eye.
The target of your scorn has no awareness of your sleepless nights...your lack of motivation...your suffering. But you do.
I don't like to say "be a bigger person" or "be the better person" because being a decent human being is not a contest. Life should be a collaborative game and we all win, like a team building exercise on the ropes course.
This line of thinking is also a problem because it focuses on the other person. Do you really care about being better than someone who treated you poorly? That's a low bar to aim for.
Focus on you because forgiveness is for you. Think about the kind of person you want to be. Do you want to live one more bitter, angry day waiting for a sincere apology you'll probably never get? Or do you want to give yourself the time and attention currently reserved for the person who wronged you?
If you want to give forgiveness to the other person, that's your choice. The important thing to remember is doing what is helpful to you, not what is harmful to someone else.
Forgiveness is not about being better than anyone. It's about being a better version of yourself.
Forgiveness is about you and for you.
For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
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