He’s 18 so we’re going to start giving him some responsibility.
A mother said this during her son's parent/teacher conference. I didn’t have the heart to tell her she’s about 16 years late.
A parent can’t expect their child to become responsible simply because they reach an arbitrary chronological destination. You wouldn’t expect your kid to become an instant guitar wizard or ballerina. It takes time. Developing responsibility is the same.
I have done plenty that my kids’ future therapists will hear about. There is one thing my wife and I have gotten right. We get our kids involved early and often.
My daughter is five. For as long as I remember, she has “helped” us in the kitchen. It doesn’t matter if it takes her five minutes to complete what I can do in 30 seconds. It doesn’t matter that her knife cuts are uneven and sloppy (she has her own set of nylon knives). What matters is that she is involved and learning her way around the kitchen. She is also learning responsibility.
Now that our son is 2 ½, making Sunday morning pancakes is a 3-person job. They pour. They stir. It takes a few extra seconds to manufacture jobs for them, but it’s less time than explaining that they’re too young and dealing with the tantrum.
When our kids ask to help, we make it happen. I can’t tell you how much laundry we have had to refold because our daughter wanted to help. Big deal. A few seconds now for a lifetime of responsibility is a fair trade.
The best part of all this is little kids naturally want to be involved. They want to do exactly what you are doing. They are practically begging you to give them chores. They have play kitchens, toy vacuums, kid size rakes, brooms and shovels.
Parents, strike while the iron is hot! Don’t wait until they’re old enough to argue with you, because that is exactly what they will do.
As for the student at the beginning, he is lazy. If he worked as hard in class as he does avoiding work, he’d be a top scholar. Sadly, very little has ever been expected of him. His bar is set low, and he is happily crawling under it.
Maybe all of this early involvement will pay off. Maybe it won’t. That’s a chance I’m willing to take. And I am looking forward to the Sunday morning when making pancakes is only a 2-person job.
Do you have questions about a specific situation in your life? Topics you want addressed in future essays? Let me know about it in the comment section.
I’m an LPC and a writer. If you are a mental health professional and need creative consultation for your professional literature, contact me.
No comments:
Post a Comment