Rethink The Appreciation Challenge

What do you appreciate? 

You're probably thinking family, health, car, job.

Those are good answers, but to truly appreciate life you have to dig deeper. The problem is the question. It's easy to get overwhelmed by contemplating the entire world.  

Because appreciation is so fundamental to healthy living, I created the Appreciation Challenge. You don't have to eat laundry detergent, Taser yourself or dance in public. You don't even have to leave your chair. 

Here's the Appreciation challenge: Look around the room and pick one item. Now think of all the ways you appreciate that item. 

When you limit your scope, it forces you to get creative. Dig deeper. Also, the more time you spend appreciating what you have, the less time you have to spend getting sad & angry about all the stuff you don't have.  

As I type this, I'm drinking a cup of tea.

I appreciate the first person who discovered that hot grass water was tasty and safe to drink.

I appreciate the peppermint aroma of my tea.

I appreciate the warm mug against my skin.

I appreciate that my tea bag is biodegradable.

I appreciate the spoon I use to stir my tea. It's more effective than my finger. 

I appreciate the bees who produced the honey in my tea.

I appreciate the bee keepers who harvested that honey. 

I appreciate that I get 20 tea bags for about $3.

I appreciate how many thousands of miles the tea traveled to make it to me.

I appreciate that someone figured out how to remove the caffeine from my nighttime tea. 

I appreciate anybody who reads to the end.

For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

 

Rethinking What Should I Do

What should I do? 

Angry. Sad. Anxious. Self loathing. People want to know what to do about their situation. They ask me all the time. What should I do? 

The answer is four simple words. 

Before we get to that, ask yourself this question.

What kind of person do you really, truly, deeply want to be? 

Confident? Decisive? Assertive? Comfortable in your own skin? Flexible? 

Now that you have your answer, think about this...

Name a time in your life when you were the thing you want to be.

No matter how small or insignificant, no matter how much you downplay it, there is at least one moment in your life when you were exactly what you want to be right now. 

What should you do? Four simple words.

Be yourself more often.

You already are everything you want to be. Remember how good it felt that time you were confident, assertive, decisive? You like yourself when you are that way. Choose to be yourself more often.  

People say all the time they want to change. They don't change, because change is scary. 

The good news is you don't have to change. 

You already are everything you want to be. 

Be yourself more often.

For information about individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com 

Rethinking Help

I’ve been a licensed professional counselor for almost 20 years. Regardless of their background or trauma, do you know the biggest challenge most people face? Taking the first step. Asking for help. 

We all want to be tough. We’re rugged, American cowboys blazing trails of independence. If we ask for help, we’re soft. Weak. Sissies. Instead of admitting we need help, we’d rather be strong and suffer.

Instead of doing what we know is best for us, we do nothing because we're afraid of what others will think of us.   

The world is full of angry, sad, anxious people. Toxic relationships. Zero self esteem. Defective coping skills. Help is available if you want it. 

The key to life is to be able to rethink your situation. I want to illustrate that by helping you rethink asking for help. Whether you realize it or not, you ask for help dozens of times a day. 

You don’t grow your own fruits and veggies? Good thing the grocery store is there to help you eat right. Let's not even talk about slaughtering your own cows and chickens.  

No gym in your basement? Luckily, there’s one on every corner to help you stay in shape. And a personal trainer to help you stay motivated. 

You can’t tow your own car when you get a flat, so you ask the tow truck for help getting to a mechanic who helps you with a new tire, because that’s one more thing you can’t do by yourself. 

Don’t feel like making dinner? Better ask a restaurant to help with that. And because you don’t want to leave the house, a dozen delivery services are ready to help bring it right to your door.

The accountant helps you do your taxes. The investment pro helps with your IRA. How many medical professionals in your life have helped you with everything from braces to broken bones? 

The fact is you ask for help all the time because you know you don’t have all the answers and can’t do everything by yourself. Your mental health should be no different. 

If you are struggling emotionally...mentally...and need help, ask for help.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking Positive Thinkers

Positive thinkers elicit a surprising amount of negative energy. Some people get downright angry at their upbeat counterparts. Unfortunately, positive thinkers are woefully misunderstood. Let's tackle 5 common misconceptions about those sunny souls with a knack for turning lemons into lemonade.

Myth 1: Positive thinkers are happy all the time.
Reality: Everybody gets sad, angry, frustrated. Everybody. The difference is how long you choose to be sad, angry, or frustrated before you choose to move on. Positive thinkers don't linger. They learn the lesson, find the meaning and sail on to smoother waters.

Myth 2: Positive thinkers deny that negativity exists in the world.
Reality: Positive thinkers recognize that some people are bad and some situations are horrible. The are not naive or oblivious. The difference is their ability to see the rest of the picture. Positive thinkers stand at the buffet and say, "There's some food I don't like, but there's a lot of food I do like, so I won't go hungry." Then they fill their plates with the food they do like. 

Myth 3: Positive thinkers enjoy suffering.
Reality: Every person faces tragedy. Positive thinkers don't throw ticker tape parades to celebrate their trauma. When bad things happen, positive thinkers get sad, angry, frustrated (see myth 1). Positive thinkers can say, "Life isn't perfect and I've suffered, but I will find a meaning in it." They might appreciate their setback or the challenge, but they certainly aren't reveling in their misfortune.  

Myth 4: Some people are born that way.
Reality: Everyone is born bright eyed and bushy tailed. Somewhere along the way we are taught that life is miserable and people will take advantage of our kindness. Anyone can reclaim their positive leanings. Seeing the world through optimistic eyes is a skill. Like any skill, the more you do it the better you get. Also, it's not like riding a bike. You can forget how to think positively, so it's important to practice daily.  

Myth 5: I'm not negative, I'm realistic.
Reality: The battle cry of the Negative Nelly. Negativity might be their reality, but not everyone shares the same reality. Three people can look at the same situation, come to three different conclusions, and they can all be right. The world is open to interpretation. Being negative is realistic. Being positive is also realistic. The choice is yours.

Long story short, everybody can learn to be a positive thinker. I am positive of that.

For information on individual therapy, please contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com




 

Rethinking Coffee

About 1,000 years ago, some unknown, thirsty soul stumbled across one of history's happiest accidents. If you roast certain, tiny red berries, grind them up and add water, you'll make coffee. And therein lies the secret to a good life.

No, not the coffee itself. Appreciation. If I had to choose the one essential characteristic for happy living, it would be appreciation. 

You like coffee, but do you appreciate it? Do you slurp it down, waiting for it to jolt you awake? Or...

Do you think about the first person to roast a bean? Could you have been that pioneer stumbling through the woods, wondering how much of it you could eat or drink?

Do you notice all the shades of brown in the coffee rainbow?
Do you feel the warmth of the mug in your hands?
Do you know 1/3 of the world's supply comes from Brazil. That's an 18 hour flight from Brownsville, Texas. If you don't live on the southernmost tip of Texas, those seeds travel even further. 
Do you know how many steps it takes to go from seed to sip?
Did you know the coffee bean is actually a seed that could be planted to grow into a coffee bush?

Life is more than feeding our carnal urge for flavor or satisfying our basic need for hydration. Life is about appreciating what we have...how it got here...where it came from...the smells...the colors...the textures...the beauty and the wonder of it all.

The more time we spend appreciating life, the less time we have to look for the inconveniences that seem so large when they are in front of us but so tiny in our rear view mirror.  

Now that I've told you all about coffee,  you might be surprised to learn I don't drink it. 

But I love the smell. 

For information on individual counseling sessions, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

UPDATE: Rethinking the Quarantine

Nobody wants to be stuck at home indefinitely, but all we can do is make the best of a difficult situation. Here are 18 reasons the quarantine isn't all that bad.

Every day is wear your pajamas to work day...
and take your kids to work day...
And take your dog to work day.

I'm saving a lot on gas money...
and there's less wear and tear on my car...
and no sitting in traffic...

which means I get to sleep in every day...
and parking is a breeze!

I don't have to pack a lunch...
or curse my co-workers for not cleaning the microwave in the staff lounge.

Stealing office supplies feels redundant.

Comb my hair???

Every Zoom conference is another chance to sing the Brady Bunch theme song in my head.

I never forget my ID badge...
or my office key.
In fact, I never leave for work wondering what I've forgotten.

It's been months since a co-worker asked me to support their kid's fundraiser.

Best of all, my office finally has a window!

UPDATE, JULY 22

The hope of returning to normal is just that...a hope. It looks like I'll have at least one more semester of working from home. Luckily, I have discovered more benefits of doing so.

I significantly reduce the risk of dying from a disease with no known cure.

I significantly reduce the risk of passing a disease on to my wife and children.

Or clients. 

Or co-workers.

Or anybody else.

I can go from work to working out without changing clothes. 

I reduce my chance of having to self quarantine. 

I reduce the risk of getting intimately acquainted with a ventilator.  

Because nobody knows the long term consequences of coronavirus, I reduce my potential for health complications 30 years from now. 

I don't have to wear an uncomfortable mask at work.

Yes, Mr. Refrigerator Repair Guy, I will be home from 7am to 6pm, so come whenever you like. 

I'm not wearing shoes or socks to work and my feet have never been happier. 

I'm doing my part to get things under control and closer to normal.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking Change

People talk all the time of wanting to change.

The truth is people don't like change. It's scary and uncomfortable. Change relies on the idea that something about you is wrong. You are focused on your weaknesses. It's no surprise that most people fall back into the comfort of their fear, their sadness, their anxiety.

Change is an unrealistic and unnecessary goal. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CHANGE!

Instead of changing, try this.

1. Think of the ideal you, everything you want to be:

adventurous...
assertive...
compassionate...
creative...
motivated...
confident...
sensitive...
caring...
appreciative...
calm...
genuine...

honest.

2. Now think of a time in your life when you were that quality. 

Go back as far as you need to. There is no statue of limitations on the real you. Maybe your last memory of confidence occurred when you were 15.

If for only one moment in your life, you were powerful, creative, honest, assertive.

Stop focusing on your weaknesses. Focus on your strengths.

If I was ________ once, I can be ________ again. I will be ________ more often.

But don't change. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

For creative consultation on your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com 

Rethinking Resilience

A friend recently sent me an article on resilience. Without getting deep into the overly intellectual weeds, the gist was "how can we teach people to be resilient?"

This is 100% the wrong question. We don't have to teach people how to be resilient. We have to teach people they already are resilient. Not only are people resilient, they are everything they want to be. The problem is they don't see it.

I tell my clients my primary function is to help them see in themselves what I see in them. A shy student thinks she's only asking a teacher for help. I see her as assertive, meeting her needs and doing something for herself. I don't teach her how to be any of those things. I help her see what she already is.

You always find what you are looking for. If you look in the mirror and see a thousand failures, then you will feel like a failure. Every person reading this knows it to be true. The good news is it works the other way, too.

If someone recognizes they are brave or honest or resilient, they like that feeling and they want to be that thing again and again. Discover what you already are and be that more often.

Think about...
A time you were resilient.
A time you were brave.
A time you asserted yourself.
A time you were honest with yourself.
A time you were honest with someone else.
A time you were comfortable with yourself.
A time you were happy.
A time you were outgoing.
A time you took a chance.
A time you learned from your mistake

It's all there. Keep looking. You'll find it.



For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

For creative consultation on your professional literature or your Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking the Quarantine

Nobody wants to be stuck at home indefinitely, but all we can do is make the best of a difficult situation. Here are 18 reasons the quarantine isn't as bad as you think it is.

Every day is wear your pajamas to work day...
and take your kids to work day...
And take your dog to work day.

I'm saving a lot on gas money...
and there's less wear and tear on my car...
and no sitting in traffic...
and parking is a breeze!

I get to sleep in every day.

I don't have to pack a lunch...
or secretly curse at my co-workers for not cleaning the microwave in the staff lounge.

Stealing office supplies feels redundant.

Comb my hair???

Every Zoom conference is another chance to sing the Brady Bunch theme song.

I never forget my ID badge...
or my office key.
In fact, I never leave for work wondering what I've forgotten.

It's been weeks since a co-worker asked me to support their kid's fundraiser.

Best of all, my office finally has a window!




For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

For creative consultation on your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethink Overthinking

You overthink. You are afraid to commit. You struggle to make decisions. What is going on? Why are you so afraid to make up your mind? What is overthinking?

In its purest form, overthinking is a lack of confidence.

First, you overthink because you are worried that you will make the wrong decision. Overthinking always leads to worst case scenario. When is the last time you overthought a situation and your head filled with trophies and ticker tape parades? Never. You overthink because you can't face the prospect of being wrong.

Next, it's not just the decision. It's also the aftermath. You are convinced that your decision will end poorly, and you lack the confidence in your ability to navigate the fallout. If things go as poorly as you think they will, you will be crushed. You will never recover.

Overthinking = lack of confidence.

Confidence is not bragging that you are the best. Confidence is saying this is what I want and this is what I'm doing, and I can handle whatever happens. Confidence allows you to make mistakes because you know you will be OK.

Have the courage of your convictions.

Remind yourself that you've survived every other perceived misstep and setback you've ever faced.

Have the confidence to make mistakes.



For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

For creative consultation on your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethink the dumb things we say #4

You child brings home a B on a test. Maybe their team lost a close game. Or they came in third. 

You want to be encouraging and supportive. You respond with, "Nice job, and I know you'll do better next time." 

Next time. 

You think it's motivating. Parent of the Year material. Your child doesn't.  

Next time. You are focused on the future. They are in the moment, thinking "I'm not good enough right now."

I'm not good enough. 

Your well-intended words leave your child with the feeling that they are not good enough. 

 

Be in the moment and let a person have their moment. Even if you think they can do better, LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT! Hey, nice job. I'm proud of you. Good stuff. You rock.  

There will be other times to focus on working harder, diligence, and all the healthy traits you want to instill in them. It can wait. Sending them the subtle message that they aren't good enough often has the opposite effect. It kills their desire to improve. If someone thinks they aren't good enough, then the next step is to think they never will be good enough. If that's the case, why put in the effort? 

I'm not suggesting you throw a ticker tape parade for every accomplishment. However, it is important to celebrate all their victories, no matter how small you think they are. Let someone know you recognize their effort and appreciate what they are doing. No qualifiers. No asterisks. No next time. 

The power of positive reinforcement can never be overstated. Be in the moment. Let someone know they are good enough. Right now. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

For creative consultation on your professional literature or your Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com