rethinking self care

let me state very clearly SELF CARE IS IMPORTANT!!! i don't want anyone to think i have some weird anti-self care agenda. what i have is a concern that our self care is hurting us more than helping us.

if you are using self care to repeatedly and habitually avoid what's bothering you, self care is hurting more than helping. 

if you are using self care as a distraction or diversion, self care is hurting more than helping. 

in the history of human behavior, nothing ever got better because someone ignored their problems.

sadly, that's the modern message of self care. 

do a thing, forget about life. 

get angry/sad/overwhelmed. self care. sleep. repeat. 

yes, sometimes you need a break. but self care is not a solution. self care does not fix you. 

relying on self care perpetuates the unhealthy notion that you can ignore your problems forever. 

if you can't deal with the daily grind without self care, that's not healthy. that's dependence. 

self care is a thing you should want to do. if you need self care, it might be hurting more than helping. 

are you engaging in self care because you enjoy what you are doing? 

or do you do what you do because it's easier than facing the thing you don't want to face? 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking change

change is a flawed concept. it forces you to focus on your shortcomings. nobody wants to change their strengths, and nobody ever got better by focusing on their flaws.

if you want to improve yourself, STOP TRYING TO CHANGE!!! you already have everything you need, and you are everything you want to be. 

don't take my word for it. see for yourself by answering these two questions.  

1. what are 3 characteristics/traits/qualities that describe your ideal self, the best version of you? 

2. what is a time or situation in your life when you exhibited those qualities?

you might have to do a little digging, but those moments are there. that proves you already are everything you want to be. you don't have to change anything. you just have to be those favorable qualities more often.

stop changing. 

evolve. 

grow. 

progress.  

whatever you call it, it starts with being the best parts of you more often. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking stress

we talk about stress all the time. everybody has it. feels it. but what is it really?

technically speaking, stress is mental/emotional strain born from challenging situations. 

from a mental health standpoint, this is 100% wrong. 

stress is not about the situation. 

stress happens when you question your ability to manage the difficult situation.

simply put, stress = self doubt. 

stress happens when you remind yourself of your perceived shortcomings.

this will end poorly.

i'm going to blow it.

nothing ever works out for me.

of course you will feel stressed when you fill your head full of negative nonsense.

stress is the opposite of confidence. 

confidence isn't knowing everything will work out perfectly and you are the best.

confidence is knowing whatever happens, you will be able to handle it.

do you want to be the person buried under stress, questioning your every move? 

or do you want to be the person confident in their ability to turn lemons into lemonade?

be the person you want to be.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com 

 

rethinking the resolution

there is only one new year's resolution you will ever need. 

be yourself. 

consider this your forever resolution.

every day, work to be the person you want to be. 

stop living for everybody else.

start living for yourself.

do for yourself.

and be yourself.

be the calm

confident

self assured

comfortable in your own skin person

you have always wanted to be.

be yourself.

happy new year. 

rethink thanksgiving

traditionally, our focus on thanksgiving is external. 

give thanks for the people and things in our life.

discover that we have more than we realize. 

this year, start a new tradition.

turn your focus inward.

spend some time recognizing everything you are.

and everything you do.

and everything you've accomplished.

this year, give thanks for you. 

discover that you are more than you realize.

happy thanksgiving. 

for information on individual therapy contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking personal responsibility

Kids are still struggling. Suicidal. No motivation. Skipping school. Failing classes. Toxic relationships. We are two years removed from the pandemic. We no longer have that scapegoat. What’s next?

Social media?

Energy drinks?

Influencer culture?

Video games…again?

Rock music for the fifth time?

Rap music now and forever?

We should be their role models. How can we preach personal responsibility while blaming everything else for our kids’ problems?

We think we're saying the right thing, but this is what our kids hear: You need to take responsibly for yourself. Also, social media is the reason my kid is struggling.

We send our kids mixed messages and still act surprised that they are so mixed up?!?!?!

If we woke up tomorrow in a world without social media and energy drinks, our kids would still be insecure.

Confused.

Looking for acceptance and belonging.

Positive reinforcement and reassurance. 

What we see as a problem, our kids see as solutions.  

Parents, here is your homework assignment.

1. Identify everything your kids get from those “negative” influences.

2. Give it to them so they don’t have to look for it anywhere else.  

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking teenagers

parents, i talk to your kids and their friends. i'm going to tell you the things they have a hard time saying.

if we're being honest, these are things your kids have probably yelled at you, but you were too focused on the delivery and not focused enough on the message. 

if you compare your kids to your older, more "successful" kids, video games aren't the problem.

if you get mad when your kids don't do things your way, social media isn't the problem. 

if you are upset your kids aren't following in your footsteps, rap music isn't the problem.

if you think you can ground and punish them into better behavior, drugs and alcohol aren't the problem.

if you think fancy clothes and shoes can replace quality time, their peer group isn't the problem. 

if you think insults and demeaning talk is tough love, fast food isn't the problem. 

if you don't accept your child for who they are, your child isn't the problem. 

the scapegoats aren't the cause of your child's behavior. they are a response. 

your child wants to form their own identity and be their own person.

your child wants to know that you will support them on their quest to find their true self. 

your child doesn't want you to lead them down your path. 

your child wants you to walk behind them on their path, and inspire them to get up when they fall. 

this is all the same thing you wanted when you were their age. 

and that's the ironic part. 

your kids really are 

just 

like 

you. 

for information on individual therapy for your teenager, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com