Two runners with identical abilities run a marathon. They both pull up short at the exact same spot, unable to finish the race.
Runner A says, "I failed because I didn't finish."
Runner B says, "At least I tried."
There are 2 types of people in the world: those who fail and those who try.
Now ask yourself one question: Who do you want to be?
Do you want help rethinking your life? For information on individual counseling sessions, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want help with your business literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Monday, June 25, 2018
Monday, June 11, 2018
Rethinking Monday
Regular readers (thanks, Mom) know I believe in the power of rethinking your life. Today could be the ultimate test of everything I know and everything I am.
Let's rethink Monday.
We're a nation of Garfields. Monday sucks. It sucks so bad, it actually ruins 2 days of our week. You spend all day Sunday worrying about Monday, then you spend all day Monday talking about how much Monday sucks. Almost 30% of your life is spent hating an ancient Babylonian measure of time.
That's about to change. How?
Happy New Year!!!
At the end of every year, we talk about getting a fresh start, a clean slate, an opportunity to finally take control of life. I say don't wait for January 1.
Think of every Monday as a new year. You now have 52 clean slates. 52 fresh starts. 52 opportunities to take control of your life and make it what you want it to be.
Not convinced? Consider this. How do you feel when you think about Monday? Sluggish? Defeated? Hopeless? Don't want to get out of bed?
Now how do you feel when you think about your new year's resolutions? Upbeat? Hopeful? Optimistic? An extra bounce in your step?
Right. That's because your Thoughts determine your Emotions, and your emotions drive your Actions. TEA. It all starts with your thoughts. If you think Monday sucks, it probably will. But if you want it to be something better, make it something better.
Let's rethink Monday.
We're a nation of Garfields. Monday sucks. It sucks so bad, it actually ruins 2 days of our week. You spend all day Sunday worrying about Monday, then you spend all day Monday talking about how much Monday sucks. Almost 30% of your life is spent hating an ancient Babylonian measure of time.
That's about to change. How?
Happy New Year!!!
At the end of every year, we talk about getting a fresh start, a clean slate, an opportunity to finally take control of life. I say don't wait for January 1.
Think of every Monday as a new year. You now have 52 clean slates. 52 fresh starts. 52 opportunities to take control of your life and make it what you want it to be.
Not convinced? Consider this. How do you feel when you think about Monday? Sluggish? Defeated? Hopeless? Don't want to get out of bed?
Now how do you feel when you think about your new year's resolutions? Upbeat? Hopeful? Optimistic? An extra bounce in your step?
Right. That's because your Thoughts determine your Emotions, and your emotions drive your Actions. TEA. It all starts with your thoughts. If you think Monday sucks, it probably will. But if you want it to be something better, make it something better.
Your new new year's resolution is to rethink Monday.
Don't stop there. Every day of your life you have an opportunity to wake up to a clean slate. You now have 365 new year's days. And if you don't accomplish what you wanted to today, don't worry. Tomorrow is a new year.
There you have it. Monday is no longer (cue dark creepy voice) the thing that you shall fear. It's a brand new year. If you are ambitious enough to take this approach to life, I offer one suggestion...go easy on the champagne.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Don't stop there. Every day of your life you have an opportunity to wake up to a clean slate. You now have 365 new year's days. And if you don't accomplish what you wanted to today, don't worry. Tomorrow is a new year.
There you have it. Monday is no longer (cue dark creepy voice) the thing that you shall fear. It's a brand new year. If you are ambitious enough to take this approach to life, I offer one suggestion...go easy on the champagne.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Rethinking Attention
He just wants attention.
Every time a co-worker disregards a student’s behavior because they “just want attention,” I want to scream OF COURSE THEY DO!!! Everybody wants attention. Teenagers are no different from us. Stop acting like they are some alternative breed of mammal living under a different set of rules.
As good as that outburst felt, a correction is in order. People don’t want attention. People need attention.
Needing attention is human nature. You are born with it. Hey Mom, look at me! Hey Dad, watch this!
It is how we learn that people appreciate us and our unique talents. It is how we learn to appreciate ourselves and our unique talents. In a perfect world, others fill your attention tank & throughout your life you are able to top it off yourself.
Paying attention to your child is a fundamental component of positive reinforcement and unconditional love. These are the building blocks of a healthy life. Carbon. Oxygen. Positive reinforcement. Unconditional love.
When a child doesn’t get enough attention, 1 of 2 things typically happen: they turn inward and hurt themselves because they have learned that no one cares, or they get angry and turn outward, forcing you to pay attention to them, often at the sacrifice of an innocent target.
It is a big red flag when students say they don’t care if they get good or bad attention, because bad attention is better than no attention. They tried getting good attention, and it wasn’t working. Now they are going to do whatever it takes to get the attention they need.
And guess what? This desire will never be solved through punitive measures. There are not enough suspension days in the calendar year to cure a student of their need for attention.
Needing attention is normal and healthy, not a crime or a behavior to be corrected.
The next time you think your student/client/offspring just “wants attention,” don’t question why they want it. Ask why you don’t want to give it to them. Then ask what else you think they’re willing to do to get it.
As good as that outburst felt, a correction is in order. People don’t want attention. People need attention.
Needing attention is human nature. You are born with it. Hey Mom, look at me! Hey Dad, watch this!
It is how we learn that people appreciate us and our unique talents. It is how we learn to appreciate ourselves and our unique talents. In a perfect world, others fill your attention tank & throughout your life you are able to top it off yourself.
Paying attention to your child is a fundamental component of positive reinforcement and unconditional love. These are the building blocks of a healthy life. Carbon. Oxygen. Positive reinforcement. Unconditional love.
When a child doesn’t get enough attention, 1 of 2 things typically happen: they turn inward and hurt themselves because they have learned that no one cares, or they get angry and turn outward, forcing you to pay attention to them, often at the sacrifice of an innocent target.
It is a big red flag when students say they don’t care if they get good or bad attention, because bad attention is better than no attention. They tried getting good attention, and it wasn’t working. Now they are going to do whatever it takes to get the attention they need.
And guess what? This desire will never be solved through punitive measures. There are not enough suspension days in the calendar year to cure a student of their need for attention.
Needing attention is normal and healthy, not a crime or a behavior to be corrected.
The next time you think your student/client/offspring just “wants attention,” don’t question why they want it. Ask why you don’t want to give it to them. Then ask what else you think they’re willing to do to get it.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Saturday, May 5, 2018
Rethinking life's downs and ups
Life has its ups and downs? I recently realized all these years we've been saying it backwards.
Life has its downs and ups.
Very often I imagine my clients think I'm more nagging high school English teacher than therapist. But our words are significant. The impact of what we tell ourselves cannot be overstated. If you don't believe me, consider these 2 statements.
I lost 60 pounds, but I should have lost more.
I should have lost more, but I lost 60 pounds.
The first statement is ups and downs. You end on a sour note. You are minimizing what is a significant accomplishment. It's demoralizing and leaves you in the ditch.
The second statement is downs and ups. Maybe you could have done more, but you still did something worth celebrating. You climbed the mountain. Next time you will climb a higher mountain, but for now enjoy the view.
Your words are powerful. With all due respect to gravity and compound interest, I believe the most powerful force in the universe is what you tell yourself. You can drag yourself into the ditch or you can climb the mountain.
Rethink your life.
Rethink your options.
Rethink life's downs and ups.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Rethink your options.
Rethink life's downs and ups.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
Rethinking Grampa's Memorial
Family members swore the first punch echoed through church like a gong. Soon after, fists were flying, Grandma was swinging her purse, the preacher morphed into Bruce Lee and someone knocked over Grampa’s urn. The lawyer cowered in the corner and never got to finish reading Grampa’s will.
As he sat in the pew laughing harder than he had in months, Tony thought to himself, “Now I understand my dad."
They were there to say goodbye to Tony’s grandfather, the man who raised Tony’s dad. When Tony saw his family in all their glory, for the first time in his life his father made sense. As he told me, “I was able to look at things differently.”
Before the ceremony, Tony saw his dad as angry, verbally abusive and not worth a drop of respect. Two weeks prior, he left home after an argument with no intention of returning.
Watching his uncles and other family members pummel each other in church, Tony saw firsthand the chaos and dysfunction that his father came from. These are the people his father grew up with. This is what he learned and knew to be normal.
This is what he perpetuated in his own home and recreated with Tony.
As his laughter subsided and someone swept up Grampa, Tony shifted from anger to understanding. He thought he knew his father before, but he didn’t. Armed with this new information, he was willing to rethink what he previously believed to be the truth.
He was not making excuses for his father’s questionable parenting. Dad made mistakes, but at least now he made sense. Tony would not forget, but he could forgive. Tony was able to reshape his thoughts about his father, and his emotions and actions fell into place accordingly.
Thoughts...Emotions...Actions...TEA.
Bolstered by this new level of understanding about his dad, sympathy replaced anger.
Tony would go home and give their relationship another chance.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Friday, March 30, 2018
Rethinking Nature Versus Nurture
It’s always been a two horse race: nature versus nurture.
This limited model of thinking does a great disservice to our clients. It sends a message that you are the way you are because of some combination of genetics and upbringing. It gives people a crutch, a reason to say, “I am who I am so don’t bother being more.” That is the opposite of empowering. If mental health professionals are to stay true to our mission of helping people lead fuller, happier lives, we need to give our clients a third option.
Nature versus Nurture versus New.
Yes, genetics play a part in who we are.
Yes, past experiences play a part in who we are.
However, if someone enters therapy thinking their fate is sealed because of their nature and their nurture, then counseling isn’t for them. For therapy and life to be successful, you have to believe you can control your situation and create the life you want.
You have to be willing to move beyond I was born that way...I’m just like my parents…It runs in my family…I will always be angry at them…You would be sad too if...
You have to believe something better is waiting for you. Something of your choosing. Something more than DNA and childhood.
You have to believe in the new.
Nature versus nurture versus new.
My money is on the fresh legs.
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
This limited model of thinking does a great disservice to our clients. It sends a message that you are the way you are because of some combination of genetics and upbringing. It gives people a crutch, a reason to say, “I am who I am so don’t bother being more.” That is the opposite of empowering. If mental health professionals are to stay true to our mission of helping people lead fuller, happier lives, we need to give our clients a third option.
Nature versus Nurture versus New.
Yes, genetics play a part in who we are.
Yes, past experiences play a part in who we are.
However, if someone enters therapy thinking their fate is sealed because of their nature and their nurture, then counseling isn’t for them. For therapy and life to be successful, you have to believe you can control your situation and create the life you want.
You have to be willing to move beyond I was born that way...I’m just like my parents…It runs in my family…I will always be angry at them…You would be sad too if...
You have to believe something better is waiting for you. Something of your choosing. Something more than DNA and childhood.
You have to believe in the new.
Nature versus nurture versus new.
My money is on the fresh legs.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Rethinking everything happens for a reason
Everything happens for a reason. Everybody says it. Everybody is right. Now here is what everybody leaves out.
The reason doesn’t come instantly. It can takes days, weeks, even years for you to make sense of life. When you face a big situation, you are busy being angry, sad, elated, etc… You are too clouded by emotion to start a scavenger hunt for reason. That’s how it should be. You deserve to be angry, sad, elated, etc… Take your time finding the reason. It will wait for you.
The reason is personal. Your life has to make sense to you as you see it through your eyes, not someone’s perception of what they think you are going through. Think of a mass tragedy like a natural disaster. There’s no way one event can mean the same thing for all people involved. Humans experience the same event in unique ways.
You have to want to find a reason. This takes work. It's hard. It can hurt. It’s not magically dropping from the sky. Simple as that.
You always find what you are looking for. If you think the reason is because you deserve to be punished, then you will find evidence to support that. If you think the reason leads you to a better life, then you will find evidence to shine a light on the path.
What trauma have you faced? Is it a ton of bricks holding you back? Is it a rocket waiting to launch you forward?
Rethink your life.
Rethink your options.
Rethink your reason.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
The reason doesn’t come instantly. It can takes days, weeks, even years for you to make sense of life. When you face a big situation, you are busy being angry, sad, elated, etc… You are too clouded by emotion to start a scavenger hunt for reason. That’s how it should be. You deserve to be angry, sad, elated, etc… Take your time finding the reason. It will wait for you.
The reason is personal. Your life has to make sense to you as you see it through your eyes, not someone’s perception of what they think you are going through. Think of a mass tragedy like a natural disaster. There’s no way one event can mean the same thing for all people involved. Humans experience the same event in unique ways.
You have to want to find a reason. This takes work. It's hard. It can hurt. It’s not magically dropping from the sky. Simple as that.
You always find what you are looking for. If you think the reason is because you deserve to be punished, then you will find evidence to support that. If you think the reason leads you to a better life, then you will find evidence to shine a light on the path.
What trauma have you faced? Is it a ton of bricks holding you back? Is it a rocket waiting to launch you forward?
Rethink your life.
Rethink your options.
Rethink your reason.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
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