rethinking appreciation #27

i started this appreciation exercise 6 months ago. 

i've appreciated small things (punctuation marks)

and big things (friendship)

and all things in between, from knees to hotel beds and tree limbs. 

honestly, and foolishly, I thought it would be easier. 

how hard is it to appreciate my embarrassment of riches? 

a cozy couch to sit on

and big windows to look out of

with a lovely view of trees and neighbors.

as it turns out, 

some days appreciation is hard. 

appreciating what you have takes constant work

and deliberate reminders. 

there is no muscle memory

or autopilot. 

if you want to bring more appreciation into your life,

or gratitude,

or thankfulness,

whatever works for you,

be ready to do the work. 

and know that I appreciate your effort.

but more than that...

appreciate yourself. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #26

there is facebook group called "buy nothing." the purpose is simple: people give stuff away for free. 

they post items.

you stake your claim.

porch pick up.

it is built entirely on the notion that we can still each other.

inviting strangers to your home feels like vestiges of a time when we didn't all have doorbell alarms and cameras watching every window. 

I very much appreciate that trust is not just a thing our grandparents talk about while we shake our heads in disbelief.

you didn't call the cops when someone came to your front door? ok, granny. cool story. 

and this happens all year. 

right now, everyone is awash in holiday spirit. giving and caring and sharing. 

in a few weeks (hopefully) or days (probably) that all fades away. 

when you need a reminder that there is still goodness in the world, go to your neighborhood buy nothing group.

you will find people giving away stuff they could easily sell at a garage sale. 

and you will find people coming to your door with the sole purpose of taking only what is there for them. 

the world is a crazy place. 

doom scrolling and 24-7 media has made us jaded and suspicious. 

it's nice to know that kindness and decency is closer than you think. 

it's sitting at your neighbor's front door in a bag with your name on it.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

   

 

  

rethinking appreciation #24

a client's friend committed suicide. he was in his early 40's. 

we talked about how toxic masculinity contributed to his friend's suffering.

decades of don't cry.

don't talk about emotions.

suffer in silence like a man. 

he told me his friend's death inspired him to reach out more often to his male friends.

to ask how they are doing.

to share his own experience with therapy.

to encourage them to seek help if they need it. 

I commended his willingness to turn his friends' death into something meaningful.

I also shared with him I have male friends who tell me they love me.

and hug me. 

and on the most micro of scales, strive to destroy the plague of toxic masculinity.

because that only happens one interaction at a time. 

as much as I appreciate anything else, I appreciate my male friends who are comfortable enough to show affection.

and feel their emotions. 

and rethink what it means

to be a man.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

 

rethinking appreciation #25

younger me had friends. 

younger me didn't think anything of it.

it was a normal part of childhood.

we watched movies. hopped fences. broke windows with balls base, foot and soccer. 

maybe it's because we didn't have demanding schedules.

making time for friends was easy. and easy to take for granted.

I was such a doofus.

the one thing i wish younger me appreciated more is friendship. 

busy older me appreciates when someone chooses to have me in their life. 

invites me into their home.

introduces me to their friends and family.

because it's easy to make excuses not to include someone. 

we want to keep the guest list small.

he won't come. 

we forgot.

friendship is a way of saying "i appreciate who you are and i appreciate having you in my life."

maybe it's not what you're thinking

but it's what I tell myself. 

if you have ever invited me into your home

or into your world

i appreciate that you think i am someone worthy of your time.

and I'm sorry that younger me was such a doofus 😊 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #23

yoga is as close to a miracle drug as the world has ever known. 

i believe this despite my limited experience with drugs, miracle or otherwise. 

I took my first class years ago when yoga was only a thing for granola eating hippies. i appreciate everything it's done for me mentally and physically. 

i want to focus on one specific function of yoga that just happens to be the first two coping skills. 

to recap, the 4 coping skills: breathe, body awareness, rethink your situation, positive self reinforcement. 

yoga is all about breathing and bodily awareness. 

you aren't just touching toes and bending like a pretzel. you are paying attention to your body as you move. 

what part of your foot is touching the ground?

is your stomach tight or loose?

are you breathing through your mouth or nose?

when you practice breathing and body awareness, you get better at both. same as every skill.

then when you need to breathe and calm down, you have already put in the practice. 

the goal is not to break into downward dog or warrior pose every time you're frustrated. the goal is to calm yourself down so you can better handle what is bothering you.

when you take control of your body, you can take control of the situation. 

yoga trains you to do just that.  

without a prescription.

or a co-pay. 

or a hangover. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #22

here's a simple tip to spice up your appreciation

gratitude

or thankfulness. 

get small.

everyone says they are thankful for family.

friends.

neighbors. 

that's the big answer.

challenge yourself to get small.

be thankful for something about them. 

some tiny detail of their personality.

or a particular skill they possess.

or something they have done for you.

what about that person makes them special to you?

maybe it's something only you see.

or a story that only makes sense

or means something

to you.

because the smaller the detail

the bigger the appreciation.

happy thanksgiving.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #21

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

another installation of appreciation poetry

today we appreciate really really small things i mean the smallest thing you see thousands of them every day you see billions in your lifetime you never think about it but you instinctively know what to do when you see one and the true test of appreciation is to imagine a world without this minuscule marvel stop and take a second to appreciate the simplicity and necessity of the period

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #20

when i was younger, calisthenics was black and white videos of men in tight shorts doing exercises that looked scripted by monty python. 

or it was toe touches and jumping jacks in gym class. just let us play basketball!!!

now calisthenics is the thing I can't stop talking about.

when the conversation goes to diet & fitness, i'm that guy preaching about body weight exercises.

I appreciate the simplicity, versatility and portability of calisthenics. 

all you need is your own body.

no expensive gym memberships.

no equipment collecting dust in your basement.

no struggle to find 20 minutes in your busy day for exercise. 

i do squats and leg lifts when i brush my teeth. i told you i'm that guy. 

i'll stretch for 5 minutes in my office, and I don't have to change into workout clothes. 

my exercise used to be about pretty muscles. 

be buff. look good. 

now i want to keep my body functioning.

I want flexibility and balance.  

I appreciate that an exercise philosophy thousands of years old allows me to do that. 

for free. 

while i'm brushing my teeth. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #19

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week. 

another installment of appreciation poetry...

only a married person 

can fully appreciate 

the thrill of sleeping 

diagonal 

in a hotel bed.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #18

i know i'm not the only person who starts my day with wordle.

and quordle.

and octordle.

and waffle. 

and blossom. 

when it comes to word games, there's a lot to appreciate, and not just the quantity or variety.

because it's about more than the games. 

even when limited to 5 letters, word nerds (takes one to know one) have a deep and expansive vocabulary. 

from acorn to magic, nymph to zebra, we're housing a lot of information.

there are probably even words you recognize but can't define. 

and when you consider the time it takes to solve the average game, the speed of word recall is astonishing. 

our brain recognizes dozens of letter patterns and files through countless options in less time than it takes to read this sentence.

H    R    C

your brain just did it! 

yes, you're trying to keep your streak alive, but your love of word games also gives you a chance to appreciate the wonder that is your brain. 

it is amazing how much it can do so quickly. 

and by the way, the word is chair.

for information about individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com   

rethinking appreciation #17

i appreciate, value, cherish, prize, am grateful for, and treasure the versatility of the English language. 

that being said, sometimes I worry that we get too hung up on words. 

we spend too much time nitpicking, quibbling and splitting hairs. 

my weekly appreciation exercise is about a philosophy, not a word.

i have no proprietary rights to appreciation.

i don't get paid a royalty every time someone expresses their appreciation.

mental health is not about fancy words, jargon, idioms, or vernacular. 

it's about looking at the world in a way that brings you happiness, joy, contentment, gaiety, merriment, or whatever you're looking for.

if you want to appreciate life, that's great. 

maybe gratitude is your jam (or jelly or preserves or marmalade). 

whatever you call it, the most important thing is that you find value in places where others aren't even looking.

find value in your life.

find value in the world around you.

find value in yourself. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #16

I worked in a nursing home for 5 years. even if I have to take the stairs or park in the back of the lot, I will always appreciate being able to walk for as long as I still can. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

self esteem skills

if you want to function better socially, you develop social skills. 

if you want to handle stress more effectively, you develop coping skills.

if you want to manage anger, you develop anger management skills. 

if you want to increase your self esteem, you have to develop your SELF ESTEEM SKILLS. 

we have to start thinking of self esteem as a skill, not as some esoteric emotional wonderland. 

self esteem is the same as every other skill you possess, from coping to cooking, from anger to acting. 

it is not a thing that happens because you compliment yourself once.  

you have to work at it. 

you might not go as fast as you'd like. 

your progress will not be linear. 

there will be setbacks. 

but if you're invested in it, you keep going.

having self esteem takes deliberate and focused effort...just like every other skill you possess.

you will learn from your mistakes...just like every other skill you possess. 

the more you do it, the better you get...just like every other skill you possess.

because having healthy self esteem is a skill.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #15

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

artificial intelligence will take over because we don't appreciate the value of our own species. 

or what we do.

or how hard it is to do what we do.

we're more dazzled when a computer, designed and programmed by humans, does the same stuff we do.

and if we don't appreciate what we do, we can't be surprised when computers take over what were previously human activities. 

there is a fast growing field of music on YouTube that is entirely AI generated.

not gonna lie. some of it sounds good. 

most of the time, it's presented as an obscure artist lost to time.

check out this undiscovered nugget!!! 

and as soon as i learn that it's AI generated, i close it immediately.

i'm not interested in listening to music a computer created with algorithms programmed for optimal audio enjoyment.

there is no soul in that. no humanity. 

how can I connect to a song when the songwriter is a computer???

I appreciate how hard it is to write lyrics that connect with listeners.

I appreciate what it takes for a musician to transform the sound they hear in their head to a sound we can hear in ours. 

there is power in creating music.

there is power in listening to music.

there is power in appreciating the artist and their process.

I don't want musician (or any artist of any medium) to go the way of buggy whip makers and switchboard operators. 

appreciating each other is no longer central to good mental health.

appreciating each other feels like an act of self preservation.

for more information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #14

you will never fully appreciate the number of branches on a tree, or how much they collectively weigh, until you clean up the one that falls into your back yard.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #13

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

there is a very short list of foods i won't eat because of their taste. 

black licorice.

kombucha. 

olives. 

olives are the worst. how hungry was the first person who ate one and decided to keep eating? 

black and green, stuffed or marinated, doesn't matter. they are all yuck, but that doesn't stop me from appreciating that people all over the world love them. 

and that leads us to the great appreciation misconception.

people think appreciation is linked exclusively to what they like. 

it's easy to appreciate what you enjoy, but if you can appreciate what you don't like, you're that much closer to a healthy mindset.

mental health is a zero sum game. the more time you spend being annoyed, the less time you have to be anything else. now flip that around. the more time you spend looking for reasons to appreciate the world, the less time you have to stew in your own angry juices. 

challenge yourself to pick one person/place/thing/idea you personally don't enjoy and find a reason to value its existence. 

and if you ever invite me over for dinner and you're serving anything with a tapenade, i'm busy that night. 

but I do appreciate the offer :)

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #12

have you played board games lately? 

I'm not talking about monopoly and jenga and feelings jenga and coping skills jenga and multigenerational family relations jenga. we're way past all of that. 

board games continue to take us into strange new worlds.   

i appreciate that people are pushing the boundaries of what a board game can be.

generally speaking, i'm a big fan of exploring options and asking what if. 

what if we get rid of the board?

what if it's a game for only one player?

what if it's about cooperation instead of competition?

what if we throw in some zombies? 

i could have written about any of the artistic endeavors. but i spent a lot of time this summer down the board game rabbit hole, so here we are.

you'd be hard pressed to think of an idea that hasn't been turned into a board game.

you can be a fisherman in 19th century new england. 

or a wine maker. 

or a medieval gem broker. 

there's a game about roasting coffee!

and zombies everywhere.  

i appreciate the innocence of board games. it's nice to know we still have entertainment options that don't involve countless batteries and increasingly faster blinking lights. 

i lean towards simpler games. the fewer rules and pieces, the better. but i appreciate that there's a board game for every person and every interest.

even for the zombie people.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #11

i am a minimalist. 

i aspire to own less stuff. 

i'm sure my wife is tired of me reminding her of this.

and asking if we can get rid of _________. 

which is why i was surprised when she gave me a big box on my birthday. 

and inside was a hammock. 

I appreciate having a wife who doesn't listen to me. 

because a hammock is not something i would have bought myself. 

even if it came from the aldi's aisle. 

you know the aldi's aisle. 

where the slogan is "it's only $8. whatever."

she always says she knows me better than i know myself. 

and she's right. 

again.

she knows how much i appreciate every opportunity i can get 

to lounge in the sunlight,

listen to the frogs and birds chirp,

marvel at the canopy of trees

and enjoy relaxing 

on my new hammock.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com 

rethinking appreciation #10

we are constantly chasing bigger and better. 

more features. louder bells and whistles. 

we are obsessed with fastest, hottest, newest, latest.

which is why the humble paperclip is worthy of appreciation.

the gem paperclip, named after the gem office products company in britain, has been unchanged since the 1890s. 

you couldn't make it better if you tried. 

because the gem is already really good at what it does.

you can't connect it to the internet. 

you can't increase its sex appeal.

or make it more aerodynamic. 

i suppose you could make one out of space age polymers, but that would not increase the ease or efficiency at which it clips your papers.

in this ever changing world, you have to appreciate anything that's resisted our insatiable urge to make everything better, even when better is just a marketing tool.    

the paperclip is a model of understated reliability. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #9

I appreciate any man who is man enough to cry.

and man enough to express their emotions.

too many men drink, do drugs and engage in obviously harmful activities, all in the name of ignoring their emotions.

if anyone can tell me how destroying yourself makes you stronger, please do so.

because I'm sick of hearing that emotions are for the weak.

and crying is for sissies. 

I'm tired of watching men silently suffer because toxic man culture has taught them that denying their emotions is somehow noble and manly. 

holding it all in weakens you.

you can't ignore your emotions forever. 

because the inside always wins.

it will always come rushing to the surface.

usually in the worst way, at the worst time.

facing your emotions takes strength and courage.

anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't have the strength or courage to face theirs.  

men, embrace all of your emotions.

not just anger. 

cry as much as you want. 

but don't cry like a baby.

cry like a man.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #8

when I started this experiment, I was convinced that appreciation was the most important trait for good mental health. getting lost in the wonders of nature made me realize I was wrong. 

as I admired a cluster of wildflowers teeming with pollinators, my mind buzzed with questions.

how do the bees and butterflies find the flowers that have nectar? 

does the flower produce more nectar after the bees and butterflies sip from it?

how did this random patch of wildflowers magically pop up in one spot of my yard? 

and that's when it hit me.

before we can be appreciative, we have to be curious. 

we have to be willing to ask questions and look for answers.

curiosity is the main ingredient for all things mentally healthy.

before we can grow as people, we have to ask honest questions about ourselves. and we have to look for healthy answers.

we have to be open to the idea that other answers exist. 

beyond that, almost every major advancement in human civilization started with someone wondering what's on the other side. or how can I make this better. or is this possible. or simply what if. 

I believe there are 5 characteristics critical to good mental health: appreciation, humility, empathy and forgiveness. none of them happen without curiosity.  

we should continue to appreciate the world.

what we have.

what we do.

what others have and do.

but above all else, be curious. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #7

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

last week as I waxed poetic about knees, I commented that I could pick a new body part each week to admire and appreciate. 

that got me thinking about my body. i won't stretch this out for the rest of the year, but i will present to you 9 things to appreciate about your body that you probably never thought of.

1. every step we take would be excruciating if we didn't have thick padding on the bottom of our feet.

2. we live in a more is more society. lucky for us, microapplemart can't introduce human body 2.0. we don't need extra knees where our shins are, or elbows at our forearms. we have all we need of both, and in the right location.

3. it's a good thing that skin is waterproof. 

4. and that it heals itself without needing a reminder to do so.

5. fingernails are our own swiss army knife. these handy scratchers and pokers are good for all kinds of tasks.  

6. eyelids protect our eyes and help us fall asleep, and they ask for nothing in return. 

7. instead of one long inflexible rod for a spine, we have 33 individual vertebrae. we're not boring traditional straw. we are fancy bendy straw. 

8. it makes total sense that our taste buds are on our tongue instead of the roof and floor of our mouth. 

9. other than a place to store lint, your belly button's sole function is to remind you that you started life INSIDE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!! technically speaking, we all began as parasites. 

my body can't do what it used to do, and some would argue that even that wasn't very impressive. it's still an amazing creation. spend a few seconds today marveling at what your body does, mostly on its own, whether you are paying attention or not. 

and take care of your knees. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #6

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

today is a cautionary tale. 

appreciate your knees and what they do for you, literally thousands of times a day. 

take care of your knees. 

because you're going to need them in the future. 

if you don't believe me, try these exercises. 

stand up and take 10 steps without bending your knees.

then pick something up off the ground without bending your knees. 

then sit on the ground and get up without bending your knees. 

how was that for you?

our knees are remarkable inventions, as is most of our body. 

maybe ear hair and ear lobes meant something to a different generation??? 

I could easily fill the rest of the year's posts by focusing on a different body part each week.

nobody ever thinks about the significance of peeing and pooping until they can't. 

or what life would look like with one less finger knuckle. 

or how tedious life would be if we had to remind ourselves to breathe, blink and sweat. 

think of your knees as the gateway to body appreciation.

because even if it's not what it used to be, your body still does amazing things every moment. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #5

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

i've started a new practice.

when i eat in a restaurant, sit down, fast food or otherwise, i tell the staff, "thanks for breakfast/lunch/dinner." 

i want them to know i appreciate what they have done for me. 

because when i eat out, it's not just about that meal.

it means i don't have to do meal planning.

or go shopping for the groceries.

or cook my own food.

or clean my own dishes.

that's a lot of time and effort i can use for other activities. 

i appreciate the luxury of eating a meal without everything that goes into making it happen. 

sometimes i like going to the grocery store.

sometimes i like to cook.

sometimes i just want to eat. 

and i appreciate that there are people who allow me the pleasure of simply sitting down and enjoying a meal. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #4

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

as a mental health professional, the question I am asked most often is "how do I...?"

how do I develop confidence?

how do I calm myself down when i'm angry?

how do I think more positively?

how do I develop a greater appreciation for life?

there are a lot of ways to exercise your appreciation muscles. today we are going to focus on one.

wherever you are right now, look around and pick one object. now ask yourself:   

what would the world be like without __________?"

notice how I said "the world" instead of "my world."

of course you can appreciate what you have, but this is bigger than that.   

appreciation is about developing an awareness of life beyond what impacts you directly.

it opens you up to look for opportunities to appreciate. 

and learning to appreciate the world is the same as any other skill you possess; the more you do it, the better you get. 

what would the world be like without garbage cans?

or the American jury system?

or stop signs? 

you always find what you are looking for, and if you are looking for a reason to appreciate something, and for something to appreciate, you will find it. 

for information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #3

good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

i am a proud simpleton. less is more, and the simplest solution is the best one (occam's razor).  

the stop sign really scratches my simpleton itch.

it's been an octagon since the 1920's.

it's been red since the 1950's.

even if someone can't read, they still recognize it.

when stop lights malfunction, what happens?

road crews drag out good old fashioned stop signs and plop them in the intersections.

a no-tech piece of sheet metal on a pole has saved literally billions of lives.

it's not a stretch to say the stop sign is the penicillin of road safety. 

just like our friend the garbage can, the stop sign is one of those things people would appreciate more often if it wasn't there.  

i appreciate simple solutions to complex problems. 

i appreciate the stop sign.

 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #2

i fully believe appreciation is the most important quality/characteristic/trait any of us can possess. good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

this week i had the opportunity to appreciate an experience most Americans dread and try to avoid.

jury duty. 

that's right. I appreciate jury duty.

even thought I didn't get selected, I went through the interview process.

we've all seen courtroom dramas. this is the part that's not sexy enough to make it on the screen. this was a chance to look behind the curtain, see how court really operates. 

the system isn't perfect, and this isn't about that. for this case, the lawyers were invested in finding a diverse, qualified jury of the defendant's peers. I got the feeling that all involved were there to uphold the sanctity of the law. no ulterior motives. no radical political power play. it was refreshing to be reminded that court is more than a lurid den of ridiculously attractive snakes.  

and based on their answers, I believe the jurors were equally invested in the process of finding justice. 

it's asking a lot to have someone miss multiple days of their life, for $10 a day, and decide the fate of a person they don't know.

being on a jury is time consuming. it can be boring. it feels like splitting the same hair over and over, lawyers arguing the relevance of every letter and vocal inflection. 

but as I was sitting there, looking at the defendant, I knew that if I was in his position I would want a room full of people who were, to the best of their ability, trying to ensure that the system works. 

for all of its flaws, I appreciate our judicial system.

and I appreciate anyone who has ever served and taken their responsibility seriously. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking appreciation #1

i fully believe appreciation is the most important quality/characteristic/trait any of us can possess. good mental health starts with our ability to see value in places where other people aren't even looking. now through the end of the year, i'm challenging myself to find something new to appreciate every week.

have you ever thought about what our world would look like without garbage cans? 

It didn't occur to me until recently, which is weird because i've only used garbage cans multiple times a day for decades. better late than never. 

without garbage cans (trash cans, waste buckets, dumpsters etc...) our world would be countless piles of leaky, rotting, disease breeding, vermin huts. 

they improve our lives so much, and they are unabashedly low tech. if we did a cost benefit analysis of everyday objects, the humble trash can would be near the top of the list.  

even if it's a garbage can i'm not using, i still appreciate that it keeps neighborhoods clean for others.

in a perfect world, maybe we wouldn't need so many of them. 

this world isn't perfect, so i'm glad we have trash cans. 

and I appreciate the people who use them. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking your self image part 2

how can you change your self image? see a better version of yourself? 

you have learn to look at yourself differently. luckily you already have the tools to do that.

you have a critical eye and you notice details about yourself that others people don't see. 

you use it all the time to pick yourself apart and downplay your accomplishments. 

last week I told you i'd give you 2 tips to reshape your self image. here's the first one...

USE YOUR POWERS FOR GOOD!!!

instead of using your powers to drag yourself down, use them to lift yourself up.

every accomplishment in your life took dozens of small steps. stop fixating on the end goal and focus on all those steps. 

here's a tidbit most people overlook...or deny...or refuse to acknowledge. even your "failures" involve taking positive steps (more on this next week).

give yourself credit for what you are doing. start to see yourself as someone who can and is doing something productive and healthy.

if you want to feel better about yourself, think better about yourself. 

now for tip #2... 

ask yourself this question: do you want to be the person who drags yourself down or the person who picks yourself up?

be that person.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking your self image

what is the most important factor in determining your behavior? 

age? 

gender? 

race? 

socio-economic status? 

where you live? 

where you were born? 

it is none of this. 

the most important factor in determining your behavior is your self image.

everything you do, or don't do, is a product of how you see yourself.  

furthermore, there is no separating how you see yourself and what you tell yourself/self talk/internal dialog/internal monologue (mental health professionals love to take old ideas and put them in new packaging, but that's a topic for a different day). 

if you want to feel better about yourself, you have to think better about yourself. 

next week, i'll give you two easy steps to help you see the real you. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking relationships

mental health is flooded with advice on how to strengthen our relationships with other people. what about yourself?

what is your relationship with you? do you like spending time with you? do you treat you well? do you bend over backwards to make sure you are happy?

your relationship with yourself is just as important as any other relationship in your life. maybe more important. you do spend more time with you than with anyone else. you should be on good terms with you.

here is how to have a better relationship with yourself.

1. think of all the stuff you want/expect/need from others.
2. give yourself all that stuff.

3. think of all the things you like to do for others.
4. do all that stuff for you.

treat yourself as well as you wish others treated you.

treat yourself as well as you treat others.

having a relationship with yourself isn't as crazy as it sounds. there are things you can control and things you can't control. instead of fretting over how others may or may not treat you, take control of how you treat yourself.

work on having a better relationship with yourself.








for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self care

let me state very clearly SELF CARE IS IMPORTANT!!! i don't want anyone to think i have some weird anti-self care agenda. what i have is a concern that our self care is hurting us more than helping us.

if you are using self care to repeatedly and habitually avoid what's bothering you, self care is hurting more than helping. 

if you are using self care as a distraction or diversion, self care is hurting more than helping. 

in the history of human behavior, nothing ever got better because someone ignored their problems.

sadly, that's the modern message of self care. 

do a thing, forget about life. 

get angry/sad/overwhelmed. self care. sleep. repeat. 

yes, sometimes you need a break. but self care is not a solution. self care does not fix you. 

relying on self care perpetuates the unhealthy notion that you can ignore your problems forever. 

if you can't deal with the daily grind without self care, that's not healthy. that's dependence. 

self care is a thing you should want to do. if you need self care, it might be hurting more than helping. 

are you engaging in self care because you enjoy what you are doing? 

or do you do what you do because it's easier than facing the thing you don't want to face? 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking change

change is a flawed concept. it forces you to focus on your shortcomings. nobody wants to change their strengths, and nobody ever got better by focusing on their flaws.

if you want to improve yourself, STOP TRYING TO CHANGE!!! you already have everything you need, and you are everything you want to be. 

don't take my word for it. see for yourself by answering these two questions.  

1. what are 3 characteristics/traits/qualities that describe your ideal self, the best version of you? 

2. what is a time or situation in your life when you exhibited those qualities?

you might have to do a little digging, but those moments are there. that proves you already are everything you want to be. you don't have to change anything. you just have to be those favorable qualities more often.

stop changing. 

evolve. 

grow. 

progress.  

whatever you call it, it starts with being the best parts of you more often. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking stress

we talk about stress all the time. everybody has it. feels it. but what is it really?

technically speaking, stress is mental/emotional strain born from challenging situations. 

from a mental health standpoint, this is 100% wrong. 

stress is not about the situation. 

stress happens when you question your ability to manage the difficult situation.

simply put, stress = self doubt. 

stress happens when you remind yourself of your perceived shortcomings.

this will end poorly.

i'm going to blow it.

nothing ever works out for me.

of course you will feel stressed when you fill your head full of negative nonsense.

stress is the opposite of confidence. 

confidence isn't knowing everything will work out perfectly and you are the best.

confidence is knowing whatever happens, you will be able to handle it.

do you want to be the person buried under stress, questioning your every move? 

or do you want to be the person confident in their ability to turn lemons into lemonade?

be the person you want to be.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com