rethinking self esteem #9

Last week I told you that too many people don't know who they are.

Can't recognize their strengths and positive qualities. 

Little to no self esteem.

People are good at seeing the surface.

I cook. I play video games. I have 3 kids. I'm a project manager. 

In order to really know yourself, 

and like yourself,

you have to go deeper.

You have to recognize and embrace your UNDERNEATH SKILLS. 

These are the strengths and positive qualities below the surface that show the real you.

Let's say you are a cook.

Of course you have knife skills.

You can saute, fry, braise.  

Now let's look at the underneath skills.

A cook prepares a meal so it all comes out together. Organized, with time management.

A cook manages multiple pots and pans at once. Multi tasker who can work under pressure.

When things don't go right, a cook finds a solution. Improvisational. Decisive. Problem solver. 

Missing the right ingredient? Find something close enough. Resourceful. Creative. Versatile. 

When you are in the kitchen, you are aren't just preparing food. 

You are the person you want to be.

If you spend even 30 seconds looking for it, I guarantee you will find that you are so much more than a hobby or profession or familial title. 

You always find what you are looking for, even if you are just looking at yourself. 

Look for your underneath skills

and find who you really are.

 

Next week I'll explain exactly why the underneath skills are so important. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self esteem #8

Tell me your strengths and positive qualities.

Believe it or not, this is the hardest question on my new client intake assessment.

I work primarily with teens and young adults.

They struggle to find anything good about themselves.

They can talk about their trauma.

Family chaos. 

Defective relationships.

Drug and alcohol use. 

They cannot tell me their strengths and positive qualities.

I even prompt them by saying "tell me who you are, not what you do."

Without direction, they would just rattle off a list of hobbies.

I play video games. I draw. I sing. I watch movies.

They know what they do. They do not know who they are.

It is extremely hard to feel good about yourself when you don't know who you are.

Self esteem is the foundation upon which all mental health sits.

All the skills in the world won't make a difference if you feel like you are never good enough. 

Caring about ourselves starts with our ability to identify and embrace our strengths and positive qualities.

Self esteem is not about what you do.

It is about who you are. 

Spend 30 seconds today thinking about who you are. 

Come back next week and I will illustrate exactly what that looks like.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self esteem #7

here is one tip guaranteed to improve your self esteem. but don't take my word for it. 

take it from every professional sports team on the planet. 

and every college team.

and most high school teams. 

what are highly skilled athletes doing that apply to everyday folk like us?

they review their game film.

they take the time to review their performance. between plays. after the game. in the days leading up to the next game.

they look to fix what went wrong, but more importantly they look for what went right.

and they look at what they did to make it right.  

we have to review our game film because it's hard to see what we're doing when we are in the thick of the action,

whether it's one-on-one,

10 bodies running, jumping and colliding, 

or when we are emotionally overwhelmed. 

review your game film. 

find what you have done right.

because you always find what you're looking for.

even if you are only looking at yourself.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking counting

I try to keep my blog diplomatic. Today I'm showing more frustration than usual.

You want to be happier?

STOP COUNTING AND START LIVING!

We waste so much time counting things that don't need to be counted. 

How many people are so busy counting their steps that they have no idea where they've been.

Nobody on their deathbed wishes they spent more time counting steps. 

We are so desperate to empirically validate our existence.

A watch is no longer a watch. 

It's a device that monitors every measurable bodily function.

Time to blow my nose. According to my watch, my snotcount is 9 globules above recommended levels. It says I'll need a force-5 blow for OSE (optimal snot ejection). If I blow too hard, it might knock me out of ketosis.  

Life is not as regimented as applying X pounds of force to get a predictable increase in speed.

Maybe it's velocity and not speed. Don't know, don't care. If you have the urge to correct me, go outside and watch a bird fly.

Have a singular bite of something delicious.

Go to the park and play on the swings.

In fact, I strongly encourage you to engage in so many life affirming activities, you lose track of what you've done.

You'll be happier if you do.

You can count on that. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking social justice

Camping philosophy says you leave the campsite better than how you found it.

Maybe the bottle cap

or bag tie

or old sock isn't yours.

But you pick it up, throw it away and make the area better for the next camper.

Even if you do not know who the next person might be.

It's what you hope others would do for you.

This is social justice.

Make the world a better place for the next person, no matter who that might be.

Nobody benefits when children go hungry.

We all benefit when every child has enough to eat.

A well-fed child is more focused and less agitated.

This increases the quality of education for every child in a classroom.

We are all better when everybody is better. 

Social justice means working to improve the lives of people you have never met,

and probably never will meet,  

because nobody benefits from a trashy campsite.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking the human experience

Some people question the cost effectiveness of growing fruits and vegetables in a home garden. 

They say it's cheaper simply to purchase your produce at the grocery store. 

I'll put this as politely as possible: those people can't be trusted. 

Yes, a home garden requires prepping the soil,

buying seeds,

setting up netting to keep out the critters,

owning various diggers and other garden related tools.

and watering daily,

Lots of stuff, time and money money money.  

But life is not always about quantifying and calculating and measuring effectiveness.

You cannot, and should not, attempt to empirically validate the experiences that make life great. 

In fact, I would argue that the people desperate to quantify every human endeavor are missing out on the joy of digging in the dirt,

and watching produce grow and change colors as they ripen,

and the feeling of sunlight on skin.

Whether my humble tomato plants produce 3 or 30 or 300 juicy red beauties, I know it happened because I made it happen...with my own two dirt covered hands.  

Someone else might, but I will never try to calculate the satisfaction of a job well done. 

While the number crunchers are busy quantifying and counting and measuring our humanity, I will be in my backyard,

listening to the birds,

staring at the trees,

and eating the best damn tomato sandwich I've ever had.

You can count on that. 

for individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking AI

The more we trust artificial intelligence, the less we trust ourselves.

This is the most chilling consequence of the inevitable AI revolution,

and the major plot point of countless future dystopian novels.

We are eagerly turning our lives over to AI, asking questions we could answer ourselves.

I read a case study in which a social services agency used AI to identify senior citizens at risk for loneliness.

I worked in a nursing home for five years. I've volunteered with senior citizens for almost 20 years.

Believe me when I tell you it doesn't take an algorithm to identify lonely senior citizens. 

But we are conditioned to treat AI as if it's the all-seeing eye, revealing the deepest mysteries of the universe. 

Senior citizens get lonely?

And it's bad for their physical and mental health?

THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION! THANK YOU AI!!!

Our society is at a point of collective critical insecurity. 

It is scary how willingly we give up our humanity for the promise of what we believe to be better answers than we could ever provide. 

We are allowed to have deep insights.

And make observations.

And trust our own judgement.

And we don't have to wait for AI to quantify and validate our ability to do so.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com