rethinking relationships

mental health is flooded with advice on how to strengthen our relationships with other people. what about yourself?

what is your relationship with you? do you like spending time with you? do you treat you well? do you bend over backwards to make sure you are happy?

your relationship with yourself is just as important as any other relationship in your life. maybe more important. you do spend more time with you than with anyone else. you should be on good terms with you.

here is how to have a better relationship with yourself.

1. think of all the stuff you want/expect/need from others.
2. give yourself all that stuff.

3. think of all the things you like to do for others.
4. do all that stuff for you.

treat yourself as well as you wish others treated you.

treat yourself as well as you treat others.

having a relationship with yourself isn't as crazy as it sounds. there are things you can control and things you can't control. instead of fretting over how others may or may not treat you, take control of how you treat yourself.

work on having a better relationship with yourself.








for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self care

let me state very clearly SELF CARE IS IMPORTANT!!! i don't want anyone to think i have some weird anti-self care agenda. what i have is a concern that our self care is hurting us more than helping us.

if you are using self care to repeatedly and habitually avoid what's bothering you, self care is hurting more than helping. 

if you are using self care as a distraction or diversion, self care is hurting more than helping. 

in the history of human behavior, nothing ever got better because someone ignored their problems.

sadly, that's the modern message of self care. 

do a thing, forget about life. 

get angry/sad/overwhelmed. self care. sleep. repeat. 

yes, sometimes you need a break. but self care is not a solution. self care does not fix you. 

relying on self care perpetuates the unhealthy notion that you can ignore your problems forever. 

if you can't deal with the daily grind without self care, that's not healthy. that's dependence. 

self care is a thing you should want to do. if you need self care, it might be hurting more than helping. 

are you engaging in self care because you enjoy what you are doing? 

or do you do what you do because it's easier than facing the thing you don't want to face? 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking change

change is a flawed concept. it forces you to focus on your shortcomings. nobody wants to change their strengths, and nobody ever got better by focusing on their flaws.

if you want to improve yourself, STOP TRYING TO CHANGE!!! you already have everything you need, and you are everything you want to be. 

don't take my word for it. see for yourself by answering these two questions.  

1. what are 3 characteristics/traits/qualities that describe your ideal self, the best version of you? 

2. what is a time or situation in your life when you exhibited those qualities?

you might have to do a little digging, but those moments are there. that proves you already are everything you want to be. you don't have to change anything. you just have to be those favorable qualities more often.

stop changing. 

evolve. 

grow. 

progress.  

whatever you call it, it starts with being the best parts of you more often. 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking stress

we talk about stress all the time. everybody has it. feels it. but what is it really?

technically speaking, stress is mental/emotional strain born from challenging situations. 

from a mental health standpoint, this is 100% wrong. 

stress is not about the situation. 

stress happens when you question your ability to manage the difficult situation.

simply put, stress = self doubt. 

stress happens when you remind yourself of your perceived shortcomings.

this will end poorly.

i'm going to blow it.

nothing ever works out for me.

of course you will feel stressed when you fill your head full of negative nonsense.

stress is the opposite of confidence. 

confidence isn't knowing everything will work out perfectly and you are the best.

confidence is knowing whatever happens, you will be able to handle it.

do you want to be the person buried under stress, questioning your every move? 

or do you want to be the person confident in their ability to turn lemons into lemonade?

be the person you want to be.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com 

 

rethinking the resolution

there is only one new year's resolution you will ever need. 

be yourself. 

consider this your forever resolution.

every day, work to be the person you want to be. 

stop living for everybody else.

start living for yourself.

do for yourself.

and be yourself.

be the calm

confident

self assured

comfortable in your own skin person

you have always wanted to be.

be yourself.

happy new year. 

rethink thanksgiving

traditionally, our focus on thanksgiving is external. 

give thanks for the people and things in our life.

discover that we have more than we realize. 

this year, start a new tradition.

turn your focus inward.

spend some time recognizing everything you are.

and everything you do.

and everything you've accomplished.

this year, give thanks for you. 

discover that you are more than you realize.

happy thanksgiving. 

for information on individual therapy contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking personal responsibility

Kids are still struggling. Suicidal. No motivation. Skipping school. Failing classes. Toxic relationships. We are two years removed from the pandemic. We no longer have that scapegoat. What’s next?

Social media?

Energy drinks?

Influencer culture?

Video games…again?

Rock music for the fifth time?

Rap music now and forever?

We should be their role models. How can we preach personal responsibility while blaming everything else for our kids’ problems?

We think we're saying the right thing, but this is what our kids hear: You need to take responsibly for yourself. Also, social media is the reason my kid is struggling.

We send our kids mixed messages and still act surprised that they are so mixed up?!?!?!

If we woke up tomorrow in a world without social media and energy drinks, our kids would still be insecure.

Confused.

Looking for acceptance and belonging.

Positive reinforcement and reassurance. 

What we see as a problem, our kids see as solutions.  

Parents, here is your homework assignment.

1. Identify everything your kids get from those “negative” influences.

2. Give it to them so they don’t have to look for it anywhere else.  

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com