Family members swore the first punch echoed through church like a gong. Soon after, fists were flying, Grandma was swinging her purse, the preacher morphed into Bruce Lee and someone knocked over Grampa’s urn. The lawyer cowered in the corner and never got to finish reading Grampa’s will.
As he sat in the pew laughing harder than he had in months, Tony thought to himself, “Now I understand my dad."
They were there to say goodbye to Tony’s grandfather, the man who raised Tony’s dad. When Tony saw his family in all their glory, for the first time in his life his father made sense. As he told me, “I was able to look at things differently.”
Before the ceremony, Tony saw his dad as angry, verbally abusive and not worth a drop of respect. Two weeks prior, he left home after an argument with no intention of returning.
Watching his uncles and other family members pummel each other in church, Tony saw firsthand the chaos and dysfunction that his father came from. These are the people his father grew up with. This is what he learned and knew to be normal.
This is what he perpetuated in his own home and recreated with Tony.
As his laughter subsided and someone swept up Grampa, Tony shifted from anger to understanding. He thought he knew his father before, but he didn’t. Armed with this new information, he was willing to rethink what he previously believed to be the truth.
He was not making excuses for his father’s questionable parenting. Dad made mistakes, but at least now he made sense. Tony would not forget, but he could forgive. Tony was able to reshape his thoughts about his father, and his emotions and actions fell into place accordingly.
Thoughts...Emotions...Actions...TEA.
Bolstered by this new level of understanding about his dad, sympathy replaced anger.
Tony would go home and give their relationship another chance.
Do you need help rethinking a situation in your life? Email me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
For information on anger management and individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
If you are a mental health professional and want creative consultation for your professional literature or Psychology Today profile, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
