Rethinking the Flaw of Self Care

When we talk about self care, we only discuss what we do after the stressful event. An hour, day or week later, if you can find the time to squeeze it into your busy schedule, you have a glass of wine, some downward dog or jot a few words in your journal. 

That is the major flaw in how we think about self care. 

Self care IS NOT just your hobbies and leisure activites. 

Self care IS NOT just that stuff you do when you are far removed from whatever caused your stress. 

Self care IS NOT separate from the moment of stress. 

Self care IS what you do in that moment of stress. 

Self care IS how you handle yourself when you are faced with a difficult situation. 

There are only four coping skills:

1. Breath 

2. Take control of your body

3. Rethink your situation 

4. Self positive reinforcement. 

If you can use these four skills in the moment of stress, that is taking care of yourself. When you handle a stressful situation in a healthy manner, that reduces your overall stress. It also means you are less dependent on all those external self care tactics you use to get back to baseline.  

We need to move far far away from this pervasive notion that self care is limited to the stuff you do to make you happy in those few elusive moments of down time. 

Self care starts in the moment of stress. 

Handling stress in a healthy manner is self care.   

Your self care is not a coping skill.

The four coping skills is self care.

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking Goals: Part 3

The motivation behind most of our goals is to be happier. We think the accomplishment will make us happy. No matter what your goal is, the only one that leads you to happiness is to focus on the process.

This is not an original idea. I've enlisted the help of multiple experts to tell you the same thing in their own words.


"Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved." Winnie the Pooh

"The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness." Albert Maslow

"Be here now." Ram Dass

"Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow." Catherynne M Valente

"Life's a journey, not a destination." Aerosmith

"The first recipe for happiness is: avoid too lengthy meditation on the past." Andre Maurois

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” Alice Morse Earle

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past, if you are anxious, you are living in the future, if you are at peace, you are living in the present.” Lao Tzu

“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.” Maya Angelou

"There is only one time that is important – Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.” Leo Tolstoy

“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” Author Unknown

And finally, more Winnie the Pooh...

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.”





For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com