Secrets and Skills

Published March 29, 2017

I want to let you in on a little secret...It’s actually a big secret that should not be a secret.

Healthy thinking is a skill. Like every skill you possess, the more you do it the better you get.

Sadly, we tend to look at other people and make excuses for ourselves.

“He’s always so happy. He must have been born that way.”

“She has such a great attitude. I never see her upset.”

Maybe he was born that way. We are all born with innate abilities. It’s up to us to ignore or nurture them.

Yes, she does have a great attitude. Maybe she chooses to make the most of every situation.

People like this display the skill of healthy thinking because they choose to.

I know you’re skeptical, so let’s flip it around. Think of the most negative person you know. I bet that person has had a poor attitude for a long time. They have had a lot of practice being negative. If it works for a poor attitude, it’s reasonable to think it works the other way.

How does one develop a healthy attitude? Luckily we’re awash in reminders.

Always look on the bright side of life.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Ironically, the skill you exhibit focusing on the negative is the same skill you will need to seek out the positives.

What do I mean by that? Find out next Wednesday.

Until then, remember: healthy thinking is a skill, and the more you do it the better you get.

Squeeze in some practice today.  

For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com.

If you are a mental health professional and need creative consultation for your professional literature, contact me.

What I learned from a fire alarm

I worked 8 years at a school for kids with behavioral problems, primarily inner city teenage males. Pulled fire alarms were a weekly occurrence, practically a rite of passage.

Then I went to work in a nursing home. Imagine my surprise when an octogenarian retired army sergeant pulled a fire alarm in the first week at his new residence. When I left the school, I thought I was leaving some things behind. I was wrong.

When I asked Sarge why he did what he did, he erupted, “Because you people were ignoring me. I wanted someone to pay attention to me.” And there it was, one of the most important lessons of my career.

In one outburst, Sarge taught me that people are people. We all want the same things in life. We want to be heard. We want to be valued and appreciated. We want someone to pay attention to us. If you are an overlooked teenager or lonely old man, we pull the fire alarm for the same exact reason.

I’ve attended a lot of professional workshops in my day. While they are well intended, every presenter wants to think their particular population is special, like a different set of rules apply for working with disenfranchised black females...transgendered teens...veterans returning from overseas...paroled prisoners reentering society...senior citizens...kids from divorced parents...divorced parents.

There are differences, but the message always boils down to the same ideas made famous by Carl Rogers, one of the founding fathers of humanistic psychology. Treat people with respect. Treat them with dignity. Listen to their stories and try to understand their struggles without judging them. Even if you aren’t a mental health professional, that’s an important lesson to learn.

Too often we get wrapped up in our labels. Despite being a country that touts its rugged individual spirit, we all want labels to make us feel special. It’s easy to forget that on the most basic level, we are all people. We are all pulling the fire alarm begging someone to pay attention to us.    


For more information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com.