For decades, mental health professionals have perpetuated the myth that hobbies and self care are coping skills. This is inaccurate and dangerous. Our profession has spent far too long doing more harm than good.
There are three primary reasons we need to stop endorsing the faulty notion that self care & hobbies are coping skills.
1. The four coping skills help you in the moment directly address your stressor. Self care is the exact opposite. It's what we do to forget about life for a while. Without a clear explanation of the difference, we are pushing people away from facing their problems. This is the exact opposite of what our profession should be doing. We don't want our clients going from moment to moment seeking a temporary fix. We should be helping them find healthy, sustainable, long term solutions.
2. If we tell people hobbies are coping skills, it's hard to tell them their specific hobby isn't a coping skill. Most are innocent: exercise, arts & crafts, reading, journaling, etc... What happens when a hobby isn't so obviously harmless?
What if someone says they like to start fires? They have a metal trashcan in the back yard & a bucket of water for emergencies. If anything is a coping skill, we can't tell someone their hobby doesn't make the list. We've opened a door that is going to be extremely hard to close.
How often are you setting fires? Do you get the urge to set fires outside of your back yard? Does anyone know you do this? If you have to ask follow up questions, it's not a coping skill. It's a problem. This leads to the third major flaw with the notion with self care as coping skill.
2. A coping skill should never lead to abuse or addiction. Self care as coping skill blurs the lines and causes confusion. How many clients have we unwittingly pushed down a slippery slope because we have validated their hobbies as coping skills? Glass of wine when you're stressed? Coping skill. Glass of wine every night? Coping skill. Two glasses every night? Glass every night & a bottle on the weekend?
What about video games? Social media? Shopping? Collecting? Various sexual acts & preferences? There are numerous current or potential diagnostic codes that directly address "coping skills" gone wrong. If you can specialize in helping someone cope with their coping skill, it's not a coping skill.
Self care is not a coping skill. Hobbies are not coping skills. Mental health professionals need to stop perpetuating the myth that it's all the same. For the betterment of our clients, we need to draw clear lines and properly define our terms.
For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
