Rethinking Feeling Better About Yourself

Are you the person who finds every perceived flaw in your appearance? 

Do you hyper focus on your tiniest mistakes? And you even know the mistakes you'll make in the future?  

If so, you are in luck. You possess the one skill necessary to feel better about yourself. 

Attention to detail. 

Think about how miserable you feel when you highlight your less than perfect qualities. Lousy!

This makes total sense. If you think unhappy thoughts, you will be unhappy. 

If you think angry thoughts, you will be angry.

If you think anxious thoughts, you will be anxious.

It's TEA, thoughts/emotions/actions: thought determine emotions, emotions determine actions. Everything starts with our thoughts, even our self esteem. 

Think about how much better you will feel about yourself if you use your power for good and start to see the things you get right.  

You already do this for everyone you know. When a friend is down, you are there to pick them up. You see the countless reasons everybody else should be living their best life. If you can do it for them, you can do it for you. I reject any notion that genetics or DNA allows you to see the positives in someone else's life but not your own.  

You laser focus on the negatives to pick yourself apart. Use that same skill to piece yourself back together. 

Your attention to detail works both ways. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking The Platinum Rule

Treat people the way you want others to treat you. 

The golden rule. Good advice, but it's not enough. We need more. 

We need the platinum rule. 

Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.

One of the great contradictions of human nature is we want validation, praise and recognition from everybody else. Meanwhile, we tell ourselves how how much we've sucked in the past, how much we suck right now and how much we'll suck in the future.

It is impossible to feel good about yourself when you are hyper focused on every perceived mistake you've ever made or will make. If you want to feel better about yourself, think better about yourself.  

To put the platinum rule another way, it's internal versus external validation. It feels good when others praise us, but it's not as powerful as when we compliment ourselves.

If you like, it's the same as happiness comes from within. Happiness from external sources is temporary. True happiness comes from being happy with yourself, and that comes from being nice to yourself. 

Third time's a charm? There are things you can control, such as what you tell yourself. There are things you can't control, like waiting for others to be nice to you. Focus on what you can control. 

The next time you are feeling down and there's nobody there to pick you up, do it yourself with the platinum rule.

Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com