Rethinking Your Kids

Your kids don't talk to you, but they talk to me. Here's what they are saying.

My parents say I can talk to them about anything. When I try to talk to them, they tell me my problems aren't real, then they tell me about their problems. That's why I stopped talking to them. 

How can I learn to love myself if the people who are supposed to love me don't show me they love me? 

They tell me to grow up and act like an adult, then they tell me to shut up because I'm just a kid. I don't know what I am or what I should do.

They think love is buying me stuff but I just want to sit and have a normal conversation with them.  

I wish my mom/dad was my best friend, but it's not that way. 

They never listen to me. 

They don't accept me for who I am. They want me to be like them. 

They don't understand me. It's like they forgot they were ever a teenager. 

I never get any compliments, but they point out every little thing I do wrong.

They always assume I'm wrong and I'm the problem. I get blamed for everything. 

I know my parents love me, but it doesn't feel that way when they are yelling at me. 

I'm in a house full of people and I still feel lonely.

They never say thank you or good job.  

I broke down and cried, and they yelled at me to stop crying. Then they told me I didn't have anything to cry about. Now I don't show my emotions. I keep it all buried until I explode. 

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking Who You Are

Think of your absolute favorite activity: biking, cooking, quiddich, soap carving, extreme ironing.

Now think about how you feel when you are engaged in that activity.

Free

Relaxed

Inspired

Creative

Confident

Uninhibited

Comfortable.

Who you are in that moment is your ideal self. It is who you want to be all the time. Stress and angst come from listening to everyone else tell you who you need to be and what you need to do.

Be a man.

Act your age.

That's not ladylike.

That's not how we do it in _____________.   

You might say who you are in that moment is the exception to the rule, then you make up a thousand excuses for why you can't be that way all the time. Being your best self is the goal. Being exactly who you want to be should be the rule, not the exception.

If you want to be happier, more confident, more relaxed, then think of a time when you were those things and know that you are those things. You don't have to change. You just have to be those things more often. 

If you want to feel better about yourself, think better about yourself.  

For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

Rethinking the Human Condition

 The human condition is a product of two directly conflicting forces.

1. We are born with the desire to be calm, happy (in general and with ourselves), confident, comfortable in our own skin, honest, appreciative, compassionate. 

2. Society has manufactured dozens of roadblocks to keep us from being the calm, happy confident people we really want to be.

To the first point, this is based on my own informal research. When I ask clients to describe their ideal self, these are the most frequent answers. No one says they want to be angrier and more anxious. They are sick of being angry and anxious. 

Now think of all the roadblocks we (society) have created that keep us from getting where we want to go. In modern parlance, we call these social constructs. 

Social norms

Racial norms

Gender norms

Age based norms

Family expectations

Cultural expectations.

Religious expectations

Work/professional expectations

Practically every facet of our life is screaming at us, telling us what to do and who to be. It's all based on what everyone else thinks we need to be doing. And most of it is in direct conflict with who we really, truly, deeply want to be. 

The goal in life is to block out all that noise and be ourselves. 

Being our true authentic selves is the only coping skill we need to live healthier lives.

Be yourself. 

Be yourself. 

Be yourself. 

Be yourself. 

For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com