The Happy Birthday Makeover

My wife and I went to dinner with friends to celebrate her birthday. One friend asked her to name three accomplishments from the past year. In the moment, it sounded like friendly dinner banter. I later realized it’s much bigger than that...for 2 reasons...because people love lists.

1. Acknowledging your success encourages you to pay attention to yourself.

People struggle with giving themselves credit for what they do. We think it’s no big deal or it doesn’t matter or nobody cares. We say what we do has to get done, as if that makes it any less impressive. Or worst of all, we simply don’t pay attention to the amazing things we do.

It’s hard to feel good about yourself if you don’t feel good about what you do.

It’s even harder to feel good about life if you don’t feel good about yourself.

On your next birthday, don’t simply celebrate the moment you arrived in this world, an event entirely beyond your control. Use it as an opportunity to celebrate what you do. If only for 1 day out of 365, give yourself the credit you deserve. If you want, overindulge and celebrate your half birthday too. You’re going to do this, and by planting the seed, you will have walked right into…

2. This is your motivation to accomplish whatever it is you’ve been avoiding.

Now that you know you are going to celebrate your accomplishments on your birthday, this is the inspiration you need to do something worth celebrating. Having a hard time starting? Remember your birthday. Second thoughts? Think of your birthday. Want to quit? Birthday! Having a deadline is a powerful motivator.    

It is also helpful to share your plans with others. Another powerful motivator is friends who keep you honest.

DISCLAIMER: When faced with the question of accomplishments, the tendency is to think big. New job. Got Married. Ran a marathon. Big things can be tiny. Cleaned your desk. Reconnected with an old friend. Drank less soda. The small things are equally important, they just force us to look that much harder to find them. They're like 4-leaf clovers.

Don’t worry if “cleaned my desk” doesn’t sound as impressive as “ran a marathon.” This is for you, not anyone else. It’s an accomplishment, not a contest.  

I’ll be entirely honest. As I get older, birthdays mean less. Been there, done that, drank a beer. This is the first year in a long time I’m excited for my birthday.

I can’t wait to see what I’ve accomplished.

Part of my goal is to demystify the field of mental health. I welcome comments or questions.

For information on individual counseling, please contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com.

I’m an LPC and a writer. If you are a mental health professional and need creative consultation for your professional literature, contact me.

The hidden beauty of school lunches

I write a lot about positive thinking. Reshape your thoughts. Rethink your life. People ask, “Does it really make a difference?”

Yes, it does. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t keep writing about it. And there’s no better way to illustrate my point than through the beauty of school lunches.

I worked in a school. Not one of those progressive schools with their own garden & photogenic plates of food. My school served frozen everything, overboiled & heavily salted. Sometimes the spaghetti sauce had so much sugar it was closer to dessert than lunch.

The students complained about the food, loud and daily. I could have agreed. Some days my lunch was pints of milk and hope someone left a snack in the breakroom. But do you know what I told my students?

I don’t cook it. I don’t clean the dishes. I don’t pay for it. To me, that’s a good meal. Truth be told, I got paid to eat a free lunch. Score!

I never tried to convince the kids the meal deserved its own Food Network show. But it also wasn’t as bad as they made it out to be. Like most of life, it was somewhere in the middle.

Even if I did validate their complaints, what good would it have done? It would have soured an already poor experience, and who needs that? If there’s one thing worse than eating lousy food, it’s being in a lousy mood while you are eating it. The cafeteria staff did the best with what they were given. I could bring my own lunch. I had no right to complain.

Furthermore, I have a hard time cooking for a family of 4. I would never dream of preparing lunch and dinner every day for over 250 people.   

I’m not sure how many kids understood my message, but my attitude made my lunch time more enjoyable.

Being positive is not about denying the existence of the negative. It’s about being able to focus on something other than the negative.  

I’ll repeat that because this idea doesn’t get enough attention.

Being positive is not about denying the existence of the negative. It’s about being able to focus on something other than the negative.  

The kids also regularly complained that I was too positive. Did my defense of the lunches play a role in their assessment?

I’m positive it did.

For information on individual counseling, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com.

I'm an LPC and a writer. If you are a mental health professional and need creative consultation for your business literature, contact me.

The one skill you need

Maybe you’re that person who finds fault with everything. Nothing is ever good enough. You are the cloud behind every silver lining.

You go to a restaurant and the napkins are itchy. The ground pepper isn’t ground enough. One of your fork tines was slightly bent.

If this is you, then guess what? You possess the one skill necessary to see the world in a more positive, uplifting way.

You possess an amazing attention to detail. You can assess a situation and laser focus on every tiny flaw. And because you have practiced, you are very good at it.

Now imagine how much better your life would be if you turned your attention to the details you enjoyed. What if you used your powers for good? All it takes is a desire to do it.

A high percentage of NFL players have successful business careers after their playing days are done. It’s not because they continue to run fast and knock people over. Their time on the gridiron was accentuated by focus, determination, and an ability to work with others. Those skills are not exclusive to sports.  

After they retired, they took their existing skills and applied them to other endeavors. Can you think of a profession that doesn’t require focus, determination and teamwork? Probably not.

You can do the same with your power of observation. Repackage. Repurpose. Rewhatever you call it. In life, you find what you are looking for. If you want to complain, you’ll find something to complain about. If you want to live a happier, more fulfilling life, you’ll find a reason to be happy.

And if you still have doubt, then think about this. I was able to find something positive and encouraging about your negative attitude.

You find what you are looking for. What are you looking for today?

Part of my goal is to demystify the field of mental health. I welcome comments or questions.

For information on individual counseling, please contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com.

In addition to being an LPC, I also fancy myself a writer. If you are a mental health professional and need creative consultation for your business literature, contact me.