there is only one new year's resolution you will ever need.
be yourself.
consider this your forever resolution.
every day, work to be the person you want to be.
stop living for everybody else.
start living for yourself.
do for yourself.
and be yourself.
be the calm
confident
self assured
comfortable in your own skin person
you have always wanted to be.
be yourself.
happy new year.
traditionally, our focus on thanksgiving is external.
give thanks for the people and things in our life.
discover that we have more than we realize.
this year, start a new tradition.
turn your focus inward.
spend some time recognizing everything you are.
and everything you do.
and everything you've accomplished.
this year, give thanks for you.
discover that you are more than you realize.
happy thanksgiving.
for information on individual therapy contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Kids are still struggling. Suicidal. No motivation. Skipping school. Failing classes. Toxic relationships. We are two years removed from the pandemic. We no longer have that scapegoat. What’s next?
Social media?
Energy drinks?
Influencer culture?
Video games…again?
Rock music for the fifth time?
Rap music now and forever?
We should be their role models. How can we preach personal responsibility while blaming everything else for our kids’ problems?
We think we're saying the right thing, but this is what our kids hear: You need to take responsibly for yourself. Also, social media is the reason my kid is struggling.
We send our kids mixed messages and still act surprised that they are so mixed up?!?!?!
If we woke up tomorrow in a world without social media and energy drinks, our kids would still be insecure.
Confused.
Looking for acceptance and belonging.
Positive reinforcement and reassurance.
What we see as a problem, our kids see as solutions.
Parents, here is your homework assignment.
1. Identify everything your kids get from those “negative” influences.
2. Give it to them so they don’t have to look for it anywhere else.
for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
parents, i talk to your kids and their friends. i'm going to tell you the things they have a hard time saying.
if we're being honest, these are things your kids have probably yelled at you, but you were too focused on the delivery and not focused enough on the message.
if you get mad when your kids don't do things your way, social media isn't the problem.
if you are upset your kids aren't following in your footsteps, rap music isn't the problem.
if you think you can ground and punish them into better behavior, drugs and alcohol aren't the problem.
if you think fancy clothes and shoes can replace quality time, their peer group isn't the problem.
if you think insults and demeaning talk is tough love, fast food isn't the problem.
if you don't accept your child for who they are, your child isn't the problem.
the scapegoats aren't the cause of your child's behavior. they are a response.
your child wants to form their own identity and be their own person.
your child wants to know that you will support them on their quest to find their true self.
your child doesn't want you to lead them down your path.
your child wants you to walk behind them on their path, and inspire them to get up when they fall.
this is all the same thing you wanted when you were their age.
and that's the ironic part.
your kids really are
just
like
you.
for information on individual therapy for your teenager, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
mental health might be the only profession in the world without a standardized language.
imagine going to 5 different dentists and they all have a unique name for a cavity.
or learning a new language every time you switch car mechanics.
or order pizza.
this is what you get with mental health. there are multiple ways to describe the most basic concepts.
do you want to address your negative thoughts?
or your cognitive distortions?
negative cognitions?
unproductive self schema?
maladaptive perceptions?
internal dialogue?
if you aren't a mental health professional, you might not know all of the above is the exact same thing.
unfortunately, too much of mental health is putting an old product in a different box and selling it as brand new. the primary result is a confused consumer because everyone is talking about the same stuff and using different terms!
one of the major reasons people seek help for their mental health is to simplify their lives.
the mental health profession should lead by example and simplify their message.
these are my thoughts.
not my perceptions.
or cognitions.
or internal dialogue.
my thoughts.
for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
the quest for the diagnosis starts with a question.
what is wrong with me?
and the diagnosis becomes their answer.
even though nobody gets better by focusing on what is wrong with them.
and it becomes an excuse.
i can't do that because of my diagnosis.
and a scapegoat.
i knew this would go wrong because of my diagnosis.
and their identity.
i like to cook and watch movies and i have a diagnosis.
mental health is about identifying the thoughts holding you back from becoming your true authentic self.
mental health should not be the thing that holds you back.
so the question is, does your diagnosis hurt you more than it helps you?
and the answer is, your diagnosis is the same as everything else in your life.
you get to decide what it means and how you use it.
and now the question is this.
how are you going to use your diagnosis?
if you're looking for help with anger management, self esteem or men's issues, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Just do it.
Possibly the most famous advertising campaign in history.
It's great advice. Stop overthinking and start doing.
Too bad Nike only got it half right.
After you just do whatever you need to do, you have to give
yourself credit for what you just did.
In fairness to Nike, “Give yourself credit for what you just
did” isn’t catchy & looks horrible on t-shirts.
Despite its lack of marketability, giving yourself
credit for what you are doing is critical to making sustained progress. It
doesn’t matter if you are running, lifting, public speaking or learning to play
an instrument. You have to give yourself the positive
reinforcement you want from others.
If you aren’t supportive and encouraging of yourself, then your efforts will fall apart and you will be left with nothing but a basement full of barely used exercise equipment.
And don't wait until the end. Focus on the process. Give yourself credit for every small step you take.
If you are having trouble just doing it and sticking to it, I have one word to help you maintain your progress. If anyone at Nike is reading this, I’m giving you the greatest sequel ad campaign in history.
Recognize.
For information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
most people want to be nice. do the right thing. be a good person.
unfortunately, humans take things to the extreme. these are the people pleasers. they have to be nice all the time, even if it means being less than nice to themselves. they suffer to make others happy. luckily, two simple words can fix this.
be a nice person WITH BOUNDARIES.
nice people can set boundaries.
nice people can put themselves first.
nice people can be selfish.
nice people can be selfish.
nice people can be selfish.
nice people can say no. if anyone has a problem with your polite refusal, that's their problem. nice people will accept your no and selfish people won't.
saying no doesn't make you a jerk or a mean person. it makes you a nice person with reasonable limits.
saying no is self care.
be a nice person, but remember that being nice also includes being nice to yourself.
people pleasers are people, too.
for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
I don't give a damn.
I don't give a shit.
I don't give a f$%k.
I don't give a rat's ass.
English is a colorful language. We have so many ways not to care about something. Not caring has immeasurable therapeutic value. If you say you don't care about the stuff that causes you stress, you have to do one more thing.
You have to mean it.
You have to really stop giving a shit about the people and situations that give you grief.
You can say you don't care about something, but if you spend the next day, week or month complaining about it, you still care. Complaining = Caring. You act one way but feel the opposite.
This is right in line with a fundamental therapeutic concept: your inside has to match your outside.
If you put on the mask and act all happy happy, but the inside is dark and brooding, you will struggle. When the inside and outside don't line up, you suffer. You can't ignore your inside forever. It always comes out, usually at the worst times and in the worst ways.
Go ahead and truly stop caring.
Stop giving a shit, damn or f&%k about the things that bother you.
Stop caring on the inside and the outside.
And really mean it.
for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
i have what i call rooftop thoughts. these are ideas so self evident i want to stand on a rooftop and shout for everyone to hear. this is one of them:
SELF CARE IS NOT JUST EXPENSIVE HOBBIES AND GADGETS!!! the most effective self care doesn't involve anything but you.
here are 100% free and effective self care activities.
1. breathe: i hate that "take a deep breath" has become a punchline cliche. breathing is the start of everything else we can do for ourselves.
2. relax your body.
3. rethink your situation. identify and reshape the negative thoughts causing your stress.
4. give yourself credit for the things you do well.
5. remind yourself you don't have to be perfect to be doing well.
6. stop trying to do what is right; do what is right FOR YOU.
7. say no when it's right for you.
9. forgive yourself.
10. forgive others. it's more self caring than holding a grudge.
11. appreciate what you have.
12. stop focusing on what is wrong with you and embrace what is right with you.
but wait. there's more! you don't have to go to the gym or cross international borders to engage in any of this. you can do it all right in the comfort of right where you are.
and that's not all! don't wait for the weekend or that mythical time in your life when nothing else is going on. self care whenever you need it. before breakfast. after the inane meeting. at 3am when your brain decides it's done sleeping but your body disagrees.
if you are holding grudges, focusing on your flaws and people pleasing, no amount of stuff-intensive self care will provide the relief you are looking for.
the most meaningful self care isn't time sensitive, takes up no space in your basement and isn't something you will sell during your yearly spring self care purge.
take as much as you want. it's free.
some assembly required.
for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
Humility is a grossly misunderstood concept.
People falsely assume humility is self criticism focused entirely on their flaws. Or treating themselves like trash keeps them from becoming arrogant. Both are tragic thinking flaws.
How do we stay humble without sliding into full blown arrogance? Where does insecurity stop and humility start. How do we acknowledge our mistakes without drowning in the pit of self hate?
Here is a cheat sheet that separates humility, insecurity and arrogance.
If something goes wrong...
The insecure person blames themselves entirely. They don't learn a lesson. They don't forgive themselves.
The arrogant person blames everyone else because they are incapable of admitting their mistakes.
The humble person learns a lesson, forgives themselves and moves on with the knowledge to make it better next time.
The thread through all of this is confidence, or lack thereof.
Insecurity is a lack of confidence. You can't do anything right. You have no positive qualities. When things fall apart, so will you.
People mistake arrogance for confidence. In reality, arrogance is also a lack of confidence. The arrogant person lacks the strength to admit they messed up. Show me someone who is arrogant and I'll show you someone who is sad, afraid and extremely insecure.
You don't become arrogant through confidence. You get there through insecurity.
Humility takes confidence. You have to feel good about yourself to admit you're not perfect. Or that you tried and it didn't work out, but you're ok with it.
Being self critical does not make you better or stronger or more confident. It makes you beaten and dejected.
Confidence does not make you arrogant. It makes you humble.
Have the confidence to be humble.
for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
What's wrong with me?
In order to fix themselves, everyone assumes that's the place to start.
Your real problem is you never ask what is right with you.
How can you expect to be happy or confident if all you do is focus on every tiny flaw?
Instead of spending all your time trying to correct what is wrong, spend some time building on what is right.
If you want to feel better about yourself, ask yourself one simple question.
What is right with me?
for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com
