rethinking self esteem

recently a client told me he had an epiphany at work. he said he realized he was good at what he did.

I was equally encouraged and disheartened by his statement. 

i was encouraged because he reached a point we've worked so hard to get to.  

healthy self esteem is the foundation upon which all mental health is built. if you don't feel good about yourself, nothing else matters. 

but I was discouraged by his use of the word epiphany. 

epiphanies are big and exotic and rare. otherworldly revelations. 

they lead to things like the discovery of gravity or a cure for polio. 

feeling good about yourself should be the exact opposite of this. 

recognizing your strengths and positive qualities isn't a once-in-a-lifetime discovery. 

it is all day, every day. 

it should be as routine as putting on socks before shoes. 

you did something well. feel good about it. 

we need to normalize accepting that we are good. and good at doing things. and that we deserve credit for what we're good at.

you don't have to be the best to like yourself.

you don't have to be perfect to like yourself.

you don't have to be better than anyone to like yourself.

you just have to like what you do.

and like yourself.

every day. 

as many times as you want.

 

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com

rethinking self esteem

I saw a friend recently. I knew she was training for an ironman triathelon, so I asked how she did.

she had to stop halfway through the marathon because of a knee injury. 

the marathon, 26.2 miles, is the third stage.

first she swam 2.4 miles.

then she biked 112 miles. 

then she ran 13 miles before calling it a day.

I told her what she did was really impressive.  

she said she didn't finish, so she failed.

it breaks my heart that she accomplished so much and convinced herself that she had done practically nothing.

training for an ironman in and of itself is a feat worth celebrating. 

completing even one stage takes amazing effort.

my friend deserves to feel better about what she did. and about herself. 

the only way to build self esteem is to recognize and embrace what you do.

it's the only way.

my friend did so much but only saw the 13 miles she couldn't complete.

I'm afraid that even if she did finish, her time wouldn't be good enough.

she should have biked harder.

trained more.

feeling good about yourself has nothing to do with winning.

or being perfect.

or being better than others.

it's as simple as recognizing and embracing what you do.

recognize and embrace what you do.

for information on individual therapy, contact me at bradleyjabel@gmail.com